13 years later, it's still a choice.
it's not a once-in-a-lifetime-stand-up-if-you-want-to-accept-Jesus-into-your-life type of choice.
nor is it a once-a-day-during-devo-and-forget-about-it choice.
it's become a moment-by-moment choice that follows every breath i take.
13 years later, i'm still left choosing.
tonight, the choice is the same it was 13 years ago. the choice remains simple. will i choose Jesus? will i say yes to Him? will i choose His promises, His Truth, His voice, His ways above my ways?
or will i say NO to all that and choose something else over Him? will i choose myself over Him? will i give in to what my emotions tell me? will i choose to dwell in my insecurities, my doubts, and fears?
the voices come flooding back.
some tell me that i have no hope, that i'm always giving You the benefit of the doubt, that i'm just doing some positive thinking therapy, that You do not care about me, that You are ignoring me, and that You have forsaken me.
yet, another familiar voice tells me that Your love is steadfast, You are faithful, You are constant, and most importantly, that You are here with me now.
what will i choose tonight?
tonight, i will choose You. i will choose to hold on to Your promises. i will choose Your Truth over my emotions. tonight i choose to live in Your joy, peace, and freedom. tonight, i choose You over the lies, the voices that tell me i have no hope. i will choose You over the temptation to desire anything apart from You.
tonight, i, eric shi, will choose to say YES to Jesus. i will choose to die to myself. tonight i will choose to renew my mind according to the Spirit, and to be transformed by Your love.
at the end of the day, whom do i have but You?
how can i refuse Your kindness, Your steadfast love?
9.25.2010
9.14.2010
to the end, i will keep coming back to You
nevertheless, You are continually with me;
You hold my right hand.
You guide me with Your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory
whom have i in heaven but You?
there is nothing on earth that i desire besides You
my flesh and my heart may fail
but You are the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
for me, it is good to be near You.
i have made You my refuge
that i may tell of all Your works
here's my heart LORD
take it all
here's my life LORD
Yours, it is Yours
9.04.2010
blank
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.
You always see the bigger picture
help me to see it too
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.
You always see the bigger picture
help me to see it too
springs of life
i never knew what i was getting myself into the moment i said yes to Him. i realized i'm not responsible for the journey i take when i follow Him with all my heart. i realized i'm powerless to make things end up the way i want it. the moment i set my heart to be a lover of Jesus, He's been the one leading me on. the rest is His story
we sometimes come to the unconscious assumption that trusting Jesus leads to a problem-free life. as if Jesus was the means to a more joyful, happy life.
"just trust Jesus and you will get that _______ (house, relationship, job) you always wanted!"
"just trust Jesus and life will be perfect and peachy!"
"just trust Jesus and you will live that life you always wanted, happily ever after"
Jesus is not a means to an end, He is my end.
all my fountains are in Him.
the call to trust Jesus is a call to die. the journey to the cross is a call to crucify yourself and watch your old self, old habits, old mindsets, old sinful temptations die.
it is a journey of pain--the purging of the "lesser" desires in your heart which do not last until you are left desiring nothing but more of Him.
it is a call to pick up your cross and do whatever it takes to follow Him. it is a call to bleed just as much as it is a call to receive blessing. true love, joy, peace, and happiness of a life in Him comes with the letting go of everything that does not last.
and He will lead me to springs of life
we sometimes come to the unconscious assumption that trusting Jesus leads to a problem-free life. as if Jesus was the means to a more joyful, happy life.
"just trust Jesus and you will get that _______ (house, relationship, job) you always wanted!"
"just trust Jesus and life will be perfect and peachy!"
"just trust Jesus and you will live that life you always wanted, happily ever after"
Jesus is not a means to an end, He is my end.
all my fountains are in Him.
the call to trust Jesus is a call to die. the journey to the cross is a call to crucify yourself and watch your old self, old habits, old mindsets, old sinful temptations die.
it is a journey of pain--the purging of the "lesser" desires in your heart which do not last until you are left desiring nothing but more of Him.
it is a call to pick up your cross and do whatever it takes to follow Him. it is a call to bleed just as much as it is a call to receive blessing. true love, joy, peace, and happiness of a life in Him comes with the letting go of everything that does not last.
and He will lead me to springs of life
9.03.2010
this is how He blesses me
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
seasons of weakness are a gift from God.
it's a gift because it gives me a chance to boast--not about myself, because no one would want to hear about how miserable and weak i am. rather, when i am weak, i get the chance to boast about none other than He who makes me strong.
in my weakness, there is no confusion about where my strength comes from. in my weakness, the thin line between depending on my flesh and leaning into the Spirit becomes a bold, dark line. when i am weak, i can no longer do anything on my own strength, and it becomes clear where my strength comes from--completely from Him. here, i take no credit. here, there is no boasting about how good i am. only about how good He is.
it is in my weakness and pain where His voice is loudest. it's usually the place i try to avoid and run away from. i manage to avoid it by telling myself that i really don't need to depend on Him that much so i run on my own strength...i manage to make it a few steps...next thing i know, i'm on my knees crying out to Him in desperation. by His mercy, His amazing grace, His jealous love, i find myself here again, and it finally hits me. it is the very place He always wanted me to be.
to be used by God, i'm learning to be weak and foolish rather than an all-conquering hero. when i am feeling weak and weary, my strength comes from clinging to His steadfast love, found in His promises. it's through my trials where i discover that He is always for me, never against me.
~~~
And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. If he does, the new wine will burst the skins, the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, new wine must be poured into new wineskins.
seasons of pain are a gift from God.
the tearing of the heart is a painful process. however, pain, when dealt with correctly, always begets beauty.
beauty is a heart torn open, ready to receive more.
beauty is found in the trading in of old wineskins for new ones, only to recieve more of the Spirit.
beauty is a jeremiah 2 moment, to leave behind the broken cisterns that never satisfy in wholehearted pursuit of the Fountain of life.
never going back, only going forward.
You make all things new.
seasons of weakness are a gift from God.
it's a gift because it gives me a chance to boast--not about myself, because no one would want to hear about how miserable and weak i am. rather, when i am weak, i get the chance to boast about none other than He who makes me strong.
in my weakness, there is no confusion about where my strength comes from. in my weakness, the thin line between depending on my flesh and leaning into the Spirit becomes a bold, dark line. when i am weak, i can no longer do anything on my own strength, and it becomes clear where my strength comes from--completely from Him. here, i take no credit. here, there is no boasting about how good i am. only about how good He is.
it is in my weakness and pain where His voice is loudest. it's usually the place i try to avoid and run away from. i manage to avoid it by telling myself that i really don't need to depend on Him that much so i run on my own strength...i manage to make it a few steps...next thing i know, i'm on my knees crying out to Him in desperation. by His mercy, His amazing grace, His jealous love, i find myself here again, and it finally hits me. it is the very place He always wanted me to be.
to be used by God, i'm learning to be weak and foolish rather than an all-conquering hero. when i am feeling weak and weary, my strength comes from clinging to His steadfast love, found in His promises. it's through my trials where i discover that He is always for me, never against me.
~~~
And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. If he does, the new wine will burst the skins, the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, new wine must be poured into new wineskins.
seasons of pain are a gift from God.
the tearing of the heart is a painful process. however, pain, when dealt with correctly, always begets beauty.
beauty is a heart torn open, ready to receive more.
beauty is found in the trading in of old wineskins for new ones, only to recieve more of the Spirit.
beauty is a jeremiah 2 moment, to leave behind the broken cisterns that never satisfy in wholehearted pursuit of the Fountain of life.
never going back, only going forward.
You make all things new.
what i'm living for
I will be Yours, You will be mine,
together in eternity
our hearts of love will be entwined,
forever in eternity
i am yours,
you are mine,
and we'll be together, forever
together in eternity
our hearts of love will be entwined,
forever in eternity
i am yours,
you are mine,
and we'll be together, forever
8.27.2010
rantings on surrender
like all human beings, i have been created to desire security. whether it's in the area of secure relationships (knowing that i am loved) or a secure future (knowing the next step in life, a secure job etc.), stability gives me peace.
the prayer for God to shake everything that can be shaken is a prayer that shouldn't be taken lightly. it's a prayer that comes from a desire to be shaken from any false security only to be rooted and grounded in Love. the journey of surrender is one where God takes everything that i find security in (relationships, a secure job, etc.) and removes them to show me that ultimate security is found in His character and His leadership alone.
~~~
the prayer to know "God's will for my future" is a popular one. as i look deeper, the desire to know "God's will for my future" actually stems from a desire for security.
i realize my desire for a secure and well planned out future is another way of saying i don't trust God's perfect leadership. in other words, my desire for a neatly-packaged and planned out future is another way of saying i desire something else other than having full trust and surrender to Jesus. as i sit and beat my head and wrestle with God for a clear sense of life direction (just give me a sign, God!), i realize 2 things:
1) He just might never give me that "sign" or "burning bush" experience that we all look for.
2) my desire to know "God's will for my future" is actually a scapegoat, an act of faithlessness, and an indicator that i'm not willing to trust in the moment-by-moment leadership of Holy Spirit--not for now, tomorrow, or the years to come.
~~~~
when asked about seeking clarity from God, mother teresa responded:
“Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of. I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you trust God.”
i realized that where there is clarity, i no longer need to depend on the Spirit. when i feel "secure" about my life direction, it becomes easy to go about life independent of the Spirit, and i reach a place where it becomes easy to no longer need the leadership of God in my life. so today i've decided that instead of always waiting for a clear answer for my future (God is not a fortune teller), i will wait upon the LORD--and trust in the perfect leadership of Holy Spirit.
from now on, i think i will be okay if i never will be able to know fully "God's will for my future". heck, that takes all the fun Spirit-led experiences out of life. all i need is the moment-by-moment trust in the leadership of Holy Spirit. and that is more than enough for me. so instead of clinging to a "clear life direction", i'm gonna cling to Holy Spirit. such is the cultivation of dependency and surrender to the Spirit.
i love you, Holy Spirit. Your leadership is perfect.
the prayer for God to shake everything that can be shaken is a prayer that shouldn't be taken lightly. it's a prayer that comes from a desire to be shaken from any false security only to be rooted and grounded in Love. the journey of surrender is one where God takes everything that i find security in (relationships, a secure job, etc.) and removes them to show me that ultimate security is found in His character and His leadership alone.
~~~
the prayer to know "God's will for my future" is a popular one. as i look deeper, the desire to know "God's will for my future" actually stems from a desire for security.
i realize my desire for a secure and well planned out future is another way of saying i don't trust God's perfect leadership. in other words, my desire for a neatly-packaged and planned out future is another way of saying i desire something else other than having full trust and surrender to Jesus. as i sit and beat my head and wrestle with God for a clear sense of life direction (just give me a sign, God!), i realize 2 things:
1) He just might never give me that "sign" or "burning bush" experience that we all look for.
2) my desire to know "God's will for my future" is actually a scapegoat, an act of faithlessness, and an indicator that i'm not willing to trust in the moment-by-moment leadership of Holy Spirit--not for now, tomorrow, or the years to come.
~~~~
when asked about seeking clarity from God, mother teresa responded:
“Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of. I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you trust God.”
i realized that where there is clarity, i no longer need to depend on the Spirit. when i feel "secure" about my life direction, it becomes easy to go about life independent of the Spirit, and i reach a place where it becomes easy to no longer need the leadership of God in my life. so today i've decided that instead of always waiting for a clear answer for my future (God is not a fortune teller), i will wait upon the LORD--and trust in the perfect leadership of Holy Spirit.
from now on, i think i will be okay if i never will be able to know fully "God's will for my future". heck, that takes all the fun Spirit-led experiences out of life. all i need is the moment-by-moment trust in the leadership of Holy Spirit. and that is more than enough for me. so instead of clinging to a "clear life direction", i'm gonna cling to Holy Spirit. such is the cultivation of dependency and surrender to the Spirit.
i love you, Holy Spirit. Your leadership is perfect.
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