forty(one) things i'm thankful for this thanksgiving. i realized i could go on forever so this is as much as i had time to type down haha.
1) the IHOP prayer room webstream. (thank you cory, matt, audra, jon, tim, laura. you don't know me but i know you, sorta. i will meet you in heaven)
2) a sweet, powerful IHOP chorus that washes over my heart and gives me life.
3) the power of worship and music to speak revelation into the heart in a way that does not have to travel through the head first.
4) the gift of hunger. i asked and He gave. hunger begets hunger. a process of becoming ruined more and more for anything less. thank you LORD.
5) the aches upon my heart when i miss a day of waiting upon Him. how He beckons me to come meet Him in the secret place.
6) the revelation of the word of God on the human heart. few things in life are sweeter.
7) the gift of fasting given to posture the human heart for a greater capacity to encounter the heart of God.
8) the morning silence. the beauty found in the rawness of the human heart exposed to the heart of God. no music, flashy lights, no props or emotional hype necessary. where it's you and me alone, God.
9) the book of psalms, to shift my perspective. for a mind that is prone to wander, prone to overthink, prone to live in weakness, psalms take my eyes off myself and my woes and remind me of who is in control. that You are God, and i am not.
10) the book of revelation. the revelation of the person Christ Jesus in His splendor and glory. as bridegroom, king, and judge.
11) the word of God. the very living word, and the satisfaction i get when i eat it.
12) the transforming work in my dad's heart. he just recently just started going to church again. he's been unemployed for over half a year, yet he's been more joyful than any other time in his life.
13) the miracle of a restored family and joyful holiday seasons after years of harder ones. those who wait on the LORD will not be put to shame.
14) the wisdom of my mom. her love for the family. her faith. the rock of our family. the depths of her love and devotion for Jesus inspire me. the fruit of her prayers are what shape so much of who i am today.
15) my roommates and our intense pursuit of God. our late night talks about Jesus Christ, the gospel, and the knowledge of God.
16) every time i take the time to wait upon Him. the tenderizing work of the Holy Spirit to soften my heart of stone to feel the movements of His heart upon mine.
17) the liberty and greater freedom from the inferior pleasures of my flesh (fear/approval of man, entertainment) to pursue the superior pleasures found at His right hand
18) the freedom found in worship--to kneel, to jump, to sit, to be, to scream at the top of my lungs.
19) my guitar and a voice to sing songs to Jesus in my room.
20) the privilege of an intercessor. the chance to partner with His heart. to stand in the gap and talk to God on the behalf of men.
21) the burden of intercession for UCSD and for intervarsity. there's so much more. come Lord Jesus come.
22) the gift of prayer. the reality that is our access to the throne room.
23) the gift of solitude. call me introverted, but i just want to be alone with God.
24) the friendship of the Holy Spirit. to wake up to say good morning Holy Spirit! i want to talk to you more.
25) vanilla yogurt and granola. or vanilla soymilk with granola. with bananas of course.
26) His constants: my shield, my strength, my portion, deliverer, shelter, strong tower, the rock upon which i stand, my fortress, refuge, shield, salvation, stronghold.
27) His word which is perfect, revives the soul, gives wisdom to the simple, brings joy, brings revelation, brings insight, and brings reward.
28) the very very bright light of His glory found in the beholding of His face
29) the way He lets me know that He's here with me--when i close my eyes, the impression that He's here and He's been here.
30) the gift and the mystery of tongues. the times when i don't know what to say and i could just pray in the spirit to speak straight into His heart. beyond words.
31) the sport i call running, and the hundreds of times i've ran the trail by the train tracks by rose canyon. the times when, feeling overwhelmed, to run until my mind goes blank. the times i meet Jesus while running.
32) the leadership of moses, the worship of david, the excellence of daniel, and the passion of john the baptist. godly men in the bible given for me to model my life after.
33) the feeler side of me
34) the thinker side of me
35) the mysteries of His sovereignty, healing/miracles/signs/wonders, free will, and predestination. the moment i like to think i've gotten Him all figured out is the moment that i need a fresh touch.
36) the old testament and the wrath of God and His hatred of sin.
37) the (unplanned) status of graduating a year early. learning to accept rest.
38) the (very) chilly evenings of fremont, california. the smell of the smoke from fireplaces and family dinners.
39) the kitchen at my home. my dog buddy and his santa costume. christmas music on the radio, and good talks while cooking dinner with the mother.
40) all my friendships, and those who read this blog and love me enough to listen to my rants. you know who you are. those who have grace and patience on me, and mostly, just accept me for being me.
41) j
He has been so good to me.
11.25.2010
11.07.2010
anchor for my soul
as for me, I shall behold your face in righteousness;
when I awake, I shall be satisfied with your likeness.
when I awake, I shall be satisfied with your likeness.
11.04.2010
weight of glory
eric,
are you willing to die to yourself,
so that you may gain all of Me?
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
2 corinth 4:16-18
You are so worth it.
God, show me Your glory.
are you willing to die to yourself,
so that you may gain all of Me?
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
2 corinth 4:16-18
You are so worth it.
God, show me Your glory.
10.29.2010
10.28.2010
the sovereignty of God
as i continue to wrestle with God in the place of prayer, time and time again i find myself getting slammed.
i like to ask God for the salvation of souls, for God to move in the hearts of my non-christian friends, and for God to bring physical healing. many times, i find myself hitting a wall. the question has been: God, why not now? why not? are not my prayers in line with the desires of your heart? am i not coming into agreement for your desires for this world?
this happens frequently in the place of healing: God, am i really asking too much for you to show up and heal this sprained ankle? this headache? this sore throat? you've done it before! what bad can possibly come out of you showing up and demonstrating your physical, tangible love? what good comes out of another unanswered prayer for healing?
it also happens in the contending for salvation: God, why don't you just do something right now? why don't you just soften his/her heart so that he/she may come to know the extent of your love and your work on the cross?
~~~
wrestling with these unanswered prayers have led me to reflect on the sovereignty of God. yes, God is a good God who desires good for me and this world. Yes, He is a God who desires mercy over judgment. yes, He is gracious, merciful, slow to anger, abounding in steadfast love. however, at the same time, God is God. and i am not. God can do whatever He wants, whenever He wants. who am i to question the perfect wisdom and timing of God? who am i to say that i know better than God? heck, who am i that You are mindful of me? yet you hear me when i call.
as i take another look at the old testament, one theme repeated itself over and over: the sovereignty of God. the old testament clearly establishes the power of God, and instills a fear of the LORD, a reverence in the people. whether it is a flood or seven plagues, God makes it clear that anyone that chooses to go against Him will perish.
unfortunately, as a generation of christians that tends to focus on the new testament concepts of grace, mercy, and love, we tend to forget about the sovereignty of God. we forget that God has the power to create life and with it, the power to take away. as a result, we now take a look at the old testament and we get offended by the God we are reading about. how can God smite people like that? how can God send a plague to kill thousands? how can God just harden and soften hearts like that?
without the sovereignty of God established in our lives, we easily become offended when God does not answer our prayers, or when things do not go our way. we get offended when God doesn't heal our dying parent of cancer. we get offended at God when we pray for years and years for restoration in our family, and nothing seems to happen.(if anything, things seem to be getting worse). we get offended at God when we pray for the salvation of our non-christian family member, non-christian friend, and nothing seems to get better.
with an understanding of the sovereignty of God, who are we to question His ways? who are we to question His perfect wisdom and understanding? yes, i don't know why God does things that He does. but I know that He does. and the only thing that he requires of me is to allow him to be God and me to be me, and let it be. God, you know best. always. Your thoughts are higher than my thoughts. Your ways are higher than my ways. always.
an understanding of the sovereignty of God gives me a fuller picture of the character of God. it does, however, throw a wrench into the very basis of prayer. if in the end, God is sovereign and He can do whatever He wants, then why do we even bother praying?
i don't know too much. but i do know:
1) i pray because Jesus prayed. prayer is a command from God Himself, to come into agreement with the desires of His heart and pray them into reality.
2) i pray because i believe that i have the power to move God's heart. i say that because the prophets did. and because of the work of the cross, Christ has given me the same authority. i believe that like moses, jeremiah, and isaiah, human beings (christians) have the power to change God's mind. despite His sovereignty, i believe that God can choose whether or not to be influenced by one force, and that is the prayers of His people. think about that.
the thinker in me continues.
i like to ask God for the salvation of souls, for God to move in the hearts of my non-christian friends, and for God to bring physical healing. many times, i find myself hitting a wall. the question has been: God, why not now? why not? are not my prayers in line with the desires of your heart? am i not coming into agreement for your desires for this world?
this happens frequently in the place of healing: God, am i really asking too much for you to show up and heal this sprained ankle? this headache? this sore throat? you've done it before! what bad can possibly come out of you showing up and demonstrating your physical, tangible love? what good comes out of another unanswered prayer for healing?
it also happens in the contending for salvation: God, why don't you just do something right now? why don't you just soften his/her heart so that he/she may come to know the extent of your love and your work on the cross?
~~~
wrestling with these unanswered prayers have led me to reflect on the sovereignty of God. yes, God is a good God who desires good for me and this world. Yes, He is a God who desires mercy over judgment. yes, He is gracious, merciful, slow to anger, abounding in steadfast love. however, at the same time, God is God. and i am not. God can do whatever He wants, whenever He wants. who am i to question the perfect wisdom and timing of God? who am i to say that i know better than God? heck, who am i that You are mindful of me? yet you hear me when i call.
as i take another look at the old testament, one theme repeated itself over and over: the sovereignty of God. the old testament clearly establishes the power of God, and instills a fear of the LORD, a reverence in the people. whether it is a flood or seven plagues, God makes it clear that anyone that chooses to go against Him will perish.
unfortunately, as a generation of christians that tends to focus on the new testament concepts of grace, mercy, and love, we tend to forget about the sovereignty of God. we forget that God has the power to create life and with it, the power to take away. as a result, we now take a look at the old testament and we get offended by the God we are reading about. how can God smite people like that? how can God send a plague to kill thousands? how can God just harden and soften hearts like that?
without the sovereignty of God established in our lives, we easily become offended when God does not answer our prayers, or when things do not go our way. we get offended when God doesn't heal our dying parent of cancer. we get offended at God when we pray for years and years for restoration in our family, and nothing seems to happen.(if anything, things seem to be getting worse). we get offended at God when we pray for the salvation of our non-christian family member, non-christian friend, and nothing seems to get better.
with an understanding of the sovereignty of God, who are we to question His ways? who are we to question His perfect wisdom and understanding? yes, i don't know why God does things that He does. but I know that He does. and the only thing that he requires of me is to allow him to be God and me to be me, and let it be. God, you know best. always. Your thoughts are higher than my thoughts. Your ways are higher than my ways. always.
an understanding of the sovereignty of God gives me a fuller picture of the character of God. it does, however, throw a wrench into the very basis of prayer. if in the end, God is sovereign and He can do whatever He wants, then why do we even bother praying?
i don't know too much. but i do know:
1) i pray because Jesus prayed. prayer is a command from God Himself, to come into agreement with the desires of His heart and pray them into reality.
2) i pray because i believe that i have the power to move God's heart. i say that because the prophets did. and because of the work of the cross, Christ has given me the same authority. i believe that like moses, jeremiah, and isaiah, human beings (christians) have the power to change God's mind. despite His sovereignty, i believe that God can choose whether or not to be influenced by one force, and that is the prayers of His people. think about that.
the thinker in me continues.
10.27.2010
the heart of intercession
i never saw myself as an "intercessor". i never liked labels like that, or hearing people say that they have been "called to intercession". Jesus commanded all of us to pray for the harvest right? then in my opinion, we are all called to intercession in one way or another.
these past few weeks i have been wrestling with God in the area of intercession. i realized that i have been praying the same prayers over UCSD for the past 4 years. for the past 4 years i've lost count of the number of times i have asked Him to "send revival", to "pour out His Spirit", and for the "fullness of His kingdom to come on earth at UCSD as it is in heaven". what have i done wrong, God? did i not pray enough? not with enough conviction? not with enough intensity? what did i miss? help me to know i am on the right track.
this week as i wrestled with entering into another season of prayer and fasting, i couldn't but help to feel weary and disappointed. broken dreams, unmet expectations, a sense of hopelessness began to flood me. God, i've fasted and prayed many times before already. how is this time going to be any different? God, do you really love this campus more than i do? if you do, why don't you just move and do something already? <--childish side of me
i began to doubt even the most basic foundational truths of prayer. lies began to fill me (how i hate you devil!) God, do you even hear my prayers? do my broken, weak, inconsistent prayers even make a difference? would the spiritual environment have been any different had i not prayed?
i even began to wrestle with basic questions like "why pray?". as a leader of prayer on this campus, it seemed like a pretty ridiculous and embarrassing thing to be asking. it definitely showed how much faith i (did not) have.
as i waited upon the LORD, He brought me back to the heart of intercession. God, help me to pray not to see things happen, or for tangible results. forgive me for the times i have put results above having you. help me to know that you are sovereign. that you are God and that your timing and your ways are perfect. forgive me for thinking that i know better. forgive me for making it about me me me me and not you you you you.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.
isaiah 55:8
yes, i know without a doubt God has been moving in many ways. i'm just really stubborn and not easily satisfied.
there has to be more.
until then, i will keep praying. i will keep asking.
there has to be more.
these past few weeks i have been wrestling with God in the area of intercession. i realized that i have been praying the same prayers over UCSD for the past 4 years. for the past 4 years i've lost count of the number of times i have asked Him to "send revival", to "pour out His Spirit", and for the "fullness of His kingdom to come on earth at UCSD as it is in heaven". what have i done wrong, God? did i not pray enough? not with enough conviction? not with enough intensity? what did i miss? help me to know i am on the right track.
this week as i wrestled with entering into another season of prayer and fasting, i couldn't but help to feel weary and disappointed. broken dreams, unmet expectations, a sense of hopelessness began to flood me. God, i've fasted and prayed many times before already. how is this time going to be any different? God, do you really love this campus more than i do? if you do, why don't you just move and do something already? <--childish side of me
i began to doubt even the most basic foundational truths of prayer. lies began to fill me (how i hate you devil!) God, do you even hear my prayers? do my broken, weak, inconsistent prayers even make a difference? would the spiritual environment have been any different had i not prayed?
i even began to wrestle with basic questions like "why pray?". as a leader of prayer on this campus, it seemed like a pretty ridiculous and embarrassing thing to be asking. it definitely showed how much faith i (did not) have.
as i waited upon the LORD, He brought me back to the heart of intercession. God, help me to pray not to see things happen, or for tangible results. forgive me for the times i have put results above having you. help me to know that you are sovereign. that you are God and that your timing and your ways are perfect. forgive me for thinking that i know better. forgive me for making it about me me me me and not you you you you.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.
isaiah 55:8
yes, i know without a doubt God has been moving in many ways. i'm just really stubborn and not easily satisfied.
there has to be more.
until then, i will keep praying. i will keep asking.
there has to be more.
10.25.2010
breathe
1O LORD, you have searched me and known me!
2You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
3 You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
4 Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
5 You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
7Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
9 If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,"
12 even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
13For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
17How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.
19Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!
O men of blood, depart from me!
20 They speak against you with malicious intent;
your enemies take your name in vain!
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
22 I hate them with complete hatred;
I count them my enemies.
23Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
24 And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!
-psalm 139
~~~
You Know me so intimately.
2You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
3 You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
4 Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
5 You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
7Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
9 If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,"
12 even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
13For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
17How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.
19Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!
O men of blood, depart from me!
20 They speak against you with malicious intent;
your enemies take your name in vain!
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
22 I hate them with complete hatred;
I count them my enemies.
23Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
24 And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!
-psalm 139
~~~
You Know me so intimately.
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