there aren't many things better than

when trying to memorize the mechanism of a vicinal anti-dihydroxylation reaction and listening to random Jesus music on shuffle and when a powerful worship song hits you and all the stress and worries of life disappear and all you can do is drop the index cards and bask in a moment of heaven. it is quite glorious.

its also quite glorious how when you listen to some songs they unlock a haven of memories and images. like backstreet boys. shoot. i forgot how much i like the backstreet boys. it's like the first music i ever listened to. other than psalty's praise songs on cassette and 96.5 koit light rock less talk on the radio cause that's what my mom likes. me and my brother got a CD called millenium when i was in like 5th grade and we thought we were so cool haha. and we would play the CD over and over again when we went on road trips. and brother and me would sing the songs super loud to annoy the sister. haha. goood times. oh the family.

andy brought these cookies from trader joes. they are called low-fat chocolatey cats cookies for people. that's right, for people. and the "for people" part is in bright bold letters i think they wanted to make sure people wouldn't think they are cat biscuits or something haha. anyways andy brought a whole tub of them and now they are all gone, into the deep abyss of my tummy. and another thing. i loose my appetite when i study. i didn't know that was possible. maybe its the major snacking action. or maybe just sitting for 10 hours straight like a bum

dining hall coffee is no good. it tastes like tar. whatever the hecks that tastes like

studying is good. unless you have long legs and you sit for too long and no blood circulation and you can't feel your legs anymore. which is why you go run to recirculate and study again.

i made a playlist on this website the sister showed me! it is a very sappy cheesy and shameless playlist, many of the songs inspired by good friends!
http://www.playlist.com/playlist/15548966923
i never knew how much of a sucker i am for sappy music. especially high school musical. asfdlkjklasf. the worst part is that i'm a guy. gosh why am i so shameless. guys aren't supposed to listen to this kind of junks.

cinderella by steven curtis chapman is a very good song. it touches you in a very fuzzy spot. it makes me want to be a dad. sorta. heehe.

i never knew how productive i can be when i study in everything other than studying. usually if i'm in my room it is cleaning every corner of my room but today i emailed my whole family and my freshmen and it was good.

andy knows me too well. what a good buddee. so dilligently studying the ochems. according to andy i am like rhino from bolt cause when i eat my cheeks fill up with food. which is unfortunately very true. :(


and the physics book does not want to be opened.

AJA AJA FIGHTING

life is so beautiful

praise the Lord!
thanks for a beautiful life.
thank you Jesus for finals week.
thanks for reminding me at church today who you are. a good God. even when life is a downer with finals and other junks that accumulate in life that i can just come to you and spill it all at your feet and let go of everything and to dwell on who You are. and once again, let your peace overwhelm me beyond i can bear.

you prepare a table before me,
in the presence of my enemies.
you annoint my head with oil
and my cup it overflows.
surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.

Jesus you remind me,
what truly makes life beautiful? Is it the blessings in your life or is it Me?
when circumstances go great, it's so easy feel great. but it seems so silly that something so small as a lamesauce finals week make life seem like a downer and i can easily lose my peace. it's so easy to praise the Lord when life is beautiful and there are things to praise God for. but so often we begin to praise Jesus only for how he has blessed us in whatever way. and we forget what we are praising and what we are thankful for. we begin praising the blessings in life and we forget to praise God because of His sovereign goodness. becuase He is lovely, beautiful, so worthy, even during finals week. it's just so hard to see cause i let my emotions, my feelings, my circumstances get in the way.

no but definitely praise the Lord for all the blessings in life. cause it is all so good.

like that one song we sing quite so often:
because of who you are i give you glory,
because of who you are i give you praise
because of who you are i will lift my voice and say
Lord, i worship you because of who you are.

Jesus i put my hope in you and not in the things of this world.
no. i will not let anything else in my life satisfy my heart
no. not grades, not friendships, not even ministry.
Jesus be my only satisfaction

oh the praise.
Jesus help me to continue to embrace praise
every moment of my life.
i will declare your goodness that every morning. every night.
that i love you for who you are.
Jesus, make that my heartbeat.

be still and know you God

is one of the the hardest things for me to do
but it has and always will be the one thing i treasure the most

when i try it, 23345302 distractions start to flood into my head, like who to email, or who to meet up with, or when to study, or what to eat for breakfast and too many times i just give up before even a minute has passed and go on with life.
but no Jesus, i will persevere. i will come back to you. each time i find myself distracted my heart will come running back to you. i will set my mind, my gaze, my focus on you. i know i am very easily distracted but i will not stop trying to set my eyes on your beauty. and i know you will always be there waiting for me to come back to you, waititng to give me that embrace.

and as i draw near to you, you will draw near to me

and i know that it is okay. Father, when i wait upon you, you probably see me as that one ADD kid in kindergarten who can't just sit still during storytime and listen to the teacher read but instead runs around and goes to play with the blocks or something.

God has been pounding this into me more than ever before. mainly cause i am not doing it enough. it always happens. there are always a string of a few days or a week where i become a human DOing and not a human BEing. when i just fail to take a moment and STOP, DROP, and not roll haha but to know that, God, you are God, and I am not. when i become a DOer and fail in BEing. i just need to be myself, God's perfect creation to love Him and to allow myself to BE loved.
cause it's not like i don't know God. i am surrounded by Him more than ever before! with bible study, bible study prep, leadership meeting, prayer meetings, mentorship, praying for freshmen, there is more of Jesus in my life than ever before.
but sometimes it feels like there is less of Jesus...cause i get caught up in the pattern of going through motions. and it is a very sucky place to be in. meeting after meeting, prep after prep, study after study, forgetting the heart to heart connection with Jesus. Jesus at the center of everything I do.

but i know God, that you are stretching me. expanding my heart and how much i really desire and long for you. above all else, how much i really want you Jesus, more than all my ministry and prep and other random junks that accumulate in life.
and has been soooo gooood.

to be still and know you God
i will wait upon you Lord.

another post

since i have time there are many things that came up so now i will rant about it.

leadership.
asdf;ojklaisfh
Jesus. just tell me where to go. just make it clear what passions you have put in my heart, what kind of people i want to bless, how i can best usher in your kingdom at UCSD. Jesus take away my selfish desires or anything for my own gain, to do whatever feels right for me, for my own comfort cause i don't do ministry for my own benefit but it's all for you Jesus.

waiting upon the Lord.
more of it. Jesus. intimacy with the Father. agh how i hunger for it. how i long for more of it. honestly, if i had life my way i just want to spend my life sitting in presence of Jesus, in his lap, just to dwell in His love, to enjoy His love and not have to worry about evangelism and school and life. embracing the vine and the branches. to stay connected to Jesus despite the hecticness of life. vine and branches. I abide in Him and Jesus, abide in me. story of my life.


stretching my heart for evangelism.
as i seek the heart of the Father i really begin to see how Jesus' heart breaks for the lost. and how i can't be selfish and keep all of Jesus to myself. or share them only with a select few. cause i'm pretty sure there is enough of Jesus to go around. and how the harvest is plentiful and the workers are few. but we cannot settle with a good community and be happy with that. but to advance His kingdom. however uncomfortable that may be for me. (not to mention all the awkward conversations that come with dorming) but Jesus if reaching the lost is what you want, i want it too.

praise the Lord.
for the glimpses of His goodness in my warren college. for one of my freshmen who invites me to join her in praying for her suitemates and large group. i pray that that will grow. for another, who refused to pray out loud, now prays meaningful, genuine, heart-felt prayers. what may seem as small steps in the physical are huge steps in the spiritual. Jesus, you are moving mountains in all of my freshmen's hearts.

a very late post

so i was planning on doing this like a week ago but then i had 3 midterms then i had snowboarding and then i was too tired to post and i didn't want to make a wimpy post so i pushed it to this week which was supposed to be free but then all of a sudden i had to meet up with 23423 people and do laundry which i haven't done for like a month and work and do a GIG and lead my guys group and now i am here.

but yes. here it goes...

i have very good friends!


these friends are quite nice. esther and stephanie stole andy's car and drove all the way to michaels to get supplies and made t-shirts for me (which are now hanging in my room) by sewing on letters in the dark in andy's car which took them like hours and then they wore them and made me feel special to the max and embarassed cause i'm not even that good at basketball and get i have a freakin like cheerleading squad like more people cheering for me than anyone else and andy who sacrifced quality, valuable study time *heeh* for ochem came to watch me too and it just made me feel like...

i. am. loved. like alot.

these friends are quite worth it. even if it means watching bolt till 1 after 3 hours of sleep and a long day of snowboarding. plus they cooked like delicious food. how could i turn that down. heehee

thank you Jesus for friends!