nothing compares

tender heart

this year i'm reminded with a vision to be near the end of my days, to wake up early in the morning, sit before Him, gaze upon His beauty, and weep

moments

life these days are filled with a lot of good moments, but nothing quite compares to those moments where i finally quiet my heart to bask in His presence. though i'll admit it isn't glorious every time i make an effort to do so, but the moments like tonight where everything seems to be winding down and not a whole lot is going on my mind, i can finally see Him, and i realize how much i miss Him. i'm finally reminded by how deep of an ocean there is to Him, and how much i have yet to drink in. i don't think i really can put into words how i feel during these moments. it's like a part of me wants to scream at the top of my lungs because it just feels like my head is sticking out of a car moving at 60 miles per hour. it's like this feeling where my heart is moving too fast for my mind to catch up. before i know it, my mind has caught up and i'm left wanting more.

Jesus, i want so much more of these moments. beyond emotion, beyond what my language can express, God. don't let my love grow cold as i'm waiting for you to come home.

engraved

Harassed by life, exhausted, we look about us for
somewhere to be quiet, to be genuine, a place of
refreshment. We yearn to restore our spirits in God,
to simply let go in him and gain new strength to go
on living. But we fail to look for him where he is waiting for us,
where he is to be found: in his Son, who is
his Word. Or else we seek for God because there are
a thousand things we want to ask him, and imagine
that we cannot go on living unless they are answered.
We inundate him with problems, with demands for
information, for clues, for an easier path, forgetting
that in his Word he has given us the solution to every
problem and all the details we are capable of grasping
in this life. We fail to listen where God speaks: where
God’s Word rang out in the world once for all, sufficient for all ages,
inexhaustible. Or else we think that
God’s word has been heard on earth for so long that by
now it is almost used up, that it is about time for some
new word, as if we had the right to demand one. We
fail to see that it is we ourselves who are used up and
alienated, whereas the word resounds with the same
vitality and freshness as ever; it is just as near to us as
it always was. “The word is near you, on your lips and
in your heart” (Rom 10:8)

-Hans Urs von Balthasar

if we knew

If we knew,
how beautiful He is, we wouldn't stop gazing at Him
how much His heart moves with just once glance of our eyes, we wouldn't stop loving Him
how much our worship changes things, we wouldn't stop worshipping
how our weak prayers change history, we wouldn't stop praying
how worthy He is, we wouldn't stop seeking Him
how much He loves us, we would spend less time doubting and trying to earn His love
how His love is better than life, we would count our lives as rubbish for the sake of gaining Him
how close He is to us, we would turn to Him and actually talk to Him
how good He really is, we wouldn't stop praising Him
how wise He is, we would never doubt His perfect leadership
how much He desires us, we would desire Him so much more
........

let's make History

i look forward to the day where i stand before Him and watch him open that book where He keeps a record of our History together. it's filled with every little detail of our life together, beginning with the major milestones--the first prayer i prayed to him, the day i accepted Him into my heart, the day i got baptized, the first prayer meeting i lead, etc. the book is big because it's filled with all the details--every worship song sung, every prayer prayed, moments of tears of joy, and moments of fear and unbelief. it'll have a record of every time i looked to Him, every internal dialogue we've had together. it'll include the good, easy seasons, seasons where i felt bored, and seasons of desperation. i'll look to Him, tears in eyes, and come face to face with the full reality that not a moment together was lost. nothing was forgotten. not a single cry of mine reached deaf ears, that He was actively aware and moved by every movement of my heart towards Him. i'll cry because if i only knew how much it moved Him, i would've given Him even more, so much more.

my love don't mean much to the world but,
it means the world to you
my song isn't sung by the world but,
you're teaching angels the tune
my prayers aren't heard by the world but,
you hush heaven when i talk to you
my life is just dust to the world but,
you gave yours so i could be with you
you saved my life when i needed you

i don't know why but you want me
i don't know how but you love me
it don't make sense, but you fought for me
so forever i will sing, i will sing.

you can have it just take all of me
cause you won it bleeding on a tree
you can take me completely
cause you won it on calvary
-zac dinsmore