where my heart aches. it doesn't know exactly what it wants, but it senses that something is near. it doesn't happen too often, but when it does, i jump on the opportunity to see what He wants to do. it's a moment of grace, an open heaven moment, to hit the pause button in the midst of a blur of a season, to sit and open up a weary, thirsty heart. though i haven't been feeling Him much, haven't been hearing much, tonight, this was just what i needed. it's hard to describe the feeling when the indwelt longing put inside me just wants to reach out and encounter the fullness of the One who put it there in the first place. yes, it's almost like i want to scream. scream because tonight, i'd rather die than never encounter whatever it is that my heart is screaming for. tonight, i'd rather die than live a lukewarm life. tonight, i'd rather die than live another day without having this longing met, just for a little while. so i'll sit here, and let You love me. i'll finally let You love me. i know i've been here before, but i'll open up this cold cold heart of mine and stop trying so hard. i'll stop. i'm stopping everything to finally let You love me. i'll wait, i'll wait the rest of my life if i have to, i'll wait even if other people think i'm crazy, too intense, i'll do anything. i'll do anything to have You. i'll wait because i know that You are worth it.
9 How is your beloved better than others,
most beautiful of women?
How is your beloved better than others,
that you so charge us?
10 My beloved is radiant and ruddy,
outstanding among ten thousand.
SOS 5:9-10
