today, i'm learning to treasure the rawness of a heart open and exposed to God. it can be one of the most uncomfortable and boring places to be, yet remains as the life source of my very existence. on some days it's the place i dread, yet on other days it's the place where i'm in tears as i come face to face with the One who made me and holds my life in His hands.
as i wait, the depravity and barrenness of my heart becomes so clear. it's a very uncomfortable place to be, to have my sinful heart laid bare before a perfect, pure, and holy God. the silence becomes unbearable as distractions begin to flood my mind, but i keep waiting. i wait because He is good. He is gentle. He's the kindest person I know, and i will not leave this place until i meet Him.
2.26.2011
2.24.2011
barrenness of love
there are some seasons where love is easy--out of an overflow of emotion. Your heart is tender, You feel His nearness, His presence, and Your heart is easily moved. you are romanced and wooed into the pleasures of loving Him. everything makes sense, and You are so in love with Jesus! a season of glory, you say.
there are other seasons where love is difficult. love becomes a labor, a decision, a discipline. it becomes a choice of the mind. love now feels like a dry and weary land where there is no water (ps 63), and you do not feel anything. the pains and unbelief of the reality of a distant, invisible God set in on you, and love becomes hard. you wonder how long this desert season will last, and what you have done wrong to deserve such an ill fate.
praise God for seasons where love is easy.
praise God even more for seasons where love is difficult. the barrenness of love is where the gold of our heart is refined. to say yes to Jesus in the barrenness of love is to know that He brings us into just the right season to cultivate our love for Him. that in the end, we may stand before Him and say with confidence, "we have loved You well!"
and to hear Him say, "well done, my beloved one. your love has been real, your love has been true. look, i wrote it all down in my book. let us now enjoy eternity together."
there are other seasons where love is difficult. love becomes a labor, a decision, a discipline. it becomes a choice of the mind. love now feels like a dry and weary land where there is no water (ps 63), and you do not feel anything. the pains and unbelief of the reality of a distant, invisible God set in on you, and love becomes hard. you wonder how long this desert season will last, and what you have done wrong to deserve such an ill fate.
praise God for seasons where love is easy.
praise God even more for seasons where love is difficult. the barrenness of love is where the gold of our heart is refined. to say yes to Jesus in the barrenness of love is to know that He brings us into just the right season to cultivate our love for Him. that in the end, we may stand before Him and say with confidence, "we have loved You well!"
and to hear Him say, "well done, my beloved one. your love has been real, your love has been true. look, i wrote it all down in my book. let us now enjoy eternity together."
simplicity
it's amazing how i can still go through the motions without actually engaging with You. it's amazing how i can still catch myself in moments where externally, i sing songs, pray, read the Word, yet i can do it completely detached from You. its amazing how easy it is to go through the activities and everything becomes routine, and subconsciously, i have switched my heart on autopilot, and before i know it, a dull spirit has creeped its way into my heart. before i know it, my heart has become hardened to your Word, and that sweet ache of a lovesick heart now seems so foreign. oh that You would tenderize my heart!
it's amazing how i can learn so much about You--through great teachings, read volumes of books about You, and fill my head with so much great knowledge about You, yet my heart can be so empty. internally, You are nowhere to be found. i have absolutely no awareness of Your manifest presence, and i'm not actively engaging with You. it's amazing how much head knowledge, how much "religion" i can have without actually encountering You.
it's amazing how i can make it all about anything and everything BUT encountering You, Jesus. it's amazing how i can make it about my striving, grasping a new piece of bible knowledge, my problems, my circumstance, me me me, and not just the beauty of the simplicity of my heart joined with Yours.
it always comes down to that locked gaze, that place where i love You, and You love me.
Abba, i'm still learning to wait upon You. it is so much easier to strive, to wrestle than to wait. and through it all i'm so easily troubled with an anxious thought, consumed with a frustrating circumstance, or if anything, pre-occupied with unbelief that comes with a relationship with You, an invisible God.
Eric, just talk to me.
just turn your gaze inward and direct all your dialogue and thoughts towards Me.
the simplicity of this one thing:
i love you, and you love me.
it's amazing how i can learn so much about You--through great teachings, read volumes of books about You, and fill my head with so much great knowledge about You, yet my heart can be so empty. internally, You are nowhere to be found. i have absolutely no awareness of Your manifest presence, and i'm not actively engaging with You. it's amazing how much head knowledge, how much "religion" i can have without actually encountering You.
it's amazing how i can make it all about anything and everything BUT encountering You, Jesus. it's amazing how i can make it about my striving, grasping a new piece of bible knowledge, my problems, my circumstance, me me me, and not just the beauty of the simplicity of my heart joined with Yours.
it always comes down to that locked gaze, that place where i love You, and You love me.
Abba, i'm still learning to wait upon You. it is so much easier to strive, to wrestle than to wait. and through it all i'm so easily troubled with an anxious thought, consumed with a frustrating circumstance, or if anything, pre-occupied with unbelief that comes with a relationship with You, an invisible God.
Eric, just talk to me.
just turn your gaze inward and direct all your dialogue and thoughts towards Me.
the simplicity of this one thing:
i love you, and you love me.
2.12.2011
vision for my life
if only one thing was certain thirty, forty, fifty years from now, it would be that i would be more in love with Jesus than i am today. sure, a loving family, a fruitful ministry, and favor in finances would be great, but when i'm old, wrinkly, and grey-haired, i ask only for one thing to be certain--that i would be found loving Jesus with every fiber of my being. i look to the day when i would weep even at the mention of the name of Jesus. oh Jesus, no sweeter name. i want to be moved to tears when i open scripture, not for the sake of being emotional, but because i am so deeply in love with the Man that i encounter when i read each living word, the Man that i've grown to know so well and love over the course of the years.
it all comes down to that wedding day, the day where i stand before your judgment seat and You ask me one question: how well did you love? when it's been said and when it's all been done, when the race is run it all comes to love.
i want no regrets when i stand before you on that day. it would be the worst feeling, to enter into eternity only realize that i could've given you more. give me grace, give me strength, to love You rightly, God. let it begin today, right now.
so no reservations, no wall,
but just an open door in my heart for You
i'm gonna give all that's inside of my heart to You.
it all comes down to that wedding day, the day where i stand before your judgment seat and You ask me one question: how well did you love? when it's been said and when it's all been done, when the race is run it all comes to love.
i want no regrets when i stand before you on that day. it would be the worst feeling, to enter into eternity only realize that i could've given you more. give me grace, give me strength, to love You rightly, God. let it begin today, right now.
so no reservations, no wall,
but just an open door in my heart for You
i'm gonna give all that's inside of my heart to You.
2.02.2011
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