lavish

every few months, the voices come back, "eric, you've gone too far. eric, you're too extreme, too intense. eric, you spend too much alone time with God. eric, you need to balance your life better. eric, you need to become more relevant to this world. eric, you're too narrow-minded. eric, you're too obsessed with the bible, too obsessed with IHOP, too obsessed with intimacy with Jesus, with this onething. eric, you're too obsessed with loving Jesus. eric, you need to be more practical in your leadership. eric, you gotta plan more. eric, you need to be doing more for Jesus. eric, you're not going to get anywhere sitting at the feet of Jesus....."

Jesus, remind me that this is what i signed up for. that i have given you my heart, soul, strength and mind for the sake of loving you. remind me that i am on the right track, and that i have chosen the good part, what is better. i refuse to lose sight of loving You.
Jesus, give me grace, give me strength to love you rightly. strengthen my resolve, that You would keep my heart steadfast, that i may be found faithful until the end. though it's a narrow and a road less traveled, though i will be misunderstood and criticized, i know You are worth it.

i'll lavish my love
i'll lavish my devotion
i'll lavish my time
i'll lavish my energy
i'll lavish my worship
i'll lavish my life at your feet
You are worth the lavish

pure joy

"Consider it pure joy when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."
-james 1:2-4, rom 5:3-5, heb 12:1-2 

in the place of suffering, temptation, perseverance, steadfastness, and endurance in the place of faithfulness, we were meant to walk in JOY. pure joy is when i surrender and set my eyes upon Jesus. in this place, there is no such thing as suffering, for Jesus found it pure joy even to the point to die on the cross. that's unthinkable! who is this man?
surely, self preservation steals the joys of sweet adoration. all of my self-love, a stubborn controlling spirit, and trust in myself for things to go my way take away the joys of sweet surrender--walking with you and trusting in Your perfect leadership. i must take up my cross, deny myself, and set my eyes upon Jesus. i must decrease, You must increase.

You said, "blessed is the one who is not offended by me" (matt 11:6)
You offend the mind to reveal the heart
You expose the hidden ways in which i still do not trust you. 
Your commands are never burdensome
Your ways never intend for me to suffer, that is not who You are.
so give me grace to express my love by being obedient.

surrendering,
Your leadership is perfect.

all i want for christmas

this christmas i want it to be less about me. even more so, as much as i enjoy them, i want christmas to be less about feel-good christmas songs, even less about giving/receiving gifts. i want to give glory to the birth of Jesus Christ. there is none like this man. fully God, He came into the world in a manger, unnoticed, unappreciated, and unrecognized.
this christmas, i want to sing the real christmas songs, like the old school hymns, ones about Jesus, not other stuff that just distract me from the glory of His birth. this christmas, i want to know the depths of the worth found in the Lamb who is seated on the throne. i want to know why right now in heaven, the twenty-four elders and the four living creatures and legions of angels, ten-thousand upon ten-thousand of them, find Jesus worthy enough so sing and give Him glory and praise non-stop for all of eternity. i want to know what makes it worth it for me to spend eternity giving praise to this man.
this christmas i want to join with the choirs of angels and sing to the King, the One who sits upon the throne, the One who is worthy of all the glory, honor, adoration, and admiration. this christmas i want to behold and give glory to the One who came into this world for one purpose only and that is to die for me so that i could live.

i watch this video each year. it always touches me in a new way.


this christmas, at the top my my lungs, i want to sing hallelujah to Jesus Christ, the King, the Bridegroom, my Beloved.

my christmas vent

this christmas i realized how quickly i got tired from the spirit of consumerism that now consumes (no pun intended) the american culture we live in today. as i tagged along with my family to the malls and such, i felt something that i have never felt before. my spirit was...disgusted, even offended at the way i saw others push and shove their way through the stores, caring only about themselves and how much more "stuff" can buy. perhaps offended is how God feels when He sees the way america celebrates the season of the birth of His son? anyways...
-i was saddened by the excitement, pleasure, and hype that comes with this season, for reasons apart from the birth of Christ. it made me sad to realize that the advent season has become the season of materialism; santa has become more popular than Jesus.
-i was saddened by how much christmas became all about me me me, and about how much more "stuff" we can buy to make us happy. it made me sad how we remain unmoved even though we know for a fact that while we are excessively spending the rest of the world lives in poverty.
-i was saddened by the selfish nature of man--the extent to which we care about ourselves and our own comfort more than others. the way we would spend excessively and not for a moment think about anyone apart from ourselves.
-i was sad when i realized that i could do the christian thing and pull the card that goes like "christmas is about giving not receiving" but i'll probably only give after i've received and i'm satisfied. and even if i were to give, i wouldn't give even half as much as what i have.
-i was saddened to see the the power of the media to influence people to look and dress a certain way in order to be liked by others, or the way we are fascinated by flashy gadgets. i realized christmas does not satisfy the human spirit. only Jesus does.
1) first, the attraction to fashion comes from a God-given desire for beauty. a desire to look nice and to fit in comes from a God-given longing to be liked and loved by others.
2) secondly, the attraction for flashy gadgets and more "stuff" and other "unnecessary" items comes from a God-given longing for fascination.
  
Father, have mercy on me and my generation. forgive us for being selfish, and the ways we care about ourselves more than we care about others. remind us that no money can buy the satisfaction found in Your presence. remind us that only You can satisfy our every desire.
Father, forgive us for the ways we have been distracted by the flashy things and hype of this season and we have forgotten about your son's birthday. would you be kind to humble us and reveal to us the extent of our selfishness, and our neglect of your son Jesus.

p.s. i know i made broad generalizations, and i do not mean to be judgmental or to offend anyone. i'm talking to myself. i just had to vent a bit.

embracing the cross

"You need to learn to separate yourself from unnecessary and restless thoughts which grow out of self-love. When your own thoughts are set aside you will be completely in the middle of the straight and narrow path. You will experience the freedom and peace that is meant for you as a child of God.

I try to follow the same advice that I give others. I know that I must seek peace in the same way. Often, when you suffer, it is the life of your self-nature that causes you pain. When you are dead you do not suffer. If you were completely dead to your old nature you would no longer feel many of the pains that now bother you.

Endure the aches and pains of your body with patience. Do the same thing with your spiritual afflictions (that is, trouble sent to you that you cannot control). Do not add to the cross in your life by becoming so busy that you have no time to sit quietly before God. Do not resist what God brings into your life. Be willing to suffer if that is what is needed. Over activity and stubbornness will only increase your anguish.

God prepares a cross for you that you must embrace without thought of self-preservation. The cross is painful. Accept the cross and you will find peace even in the middle of turmoil. Let me warn you that if you push the cross away, your circumstances will become twice as hard to bear. In the long run, the pain of resisting the cross is harder to live with than the cross itself.

See God’s hand in the circumstances of your life. Do you want to experience true happiness? Submit yourself peacefully and simply to the will of God, and bear your sufferings without struggle. Nothing so shortens and soothes your pain as the spirit of non-resistance to your Lord.

As wonderful as this sounds, it still may not stop you from bargaining with God. The hardest thing about suffering is not knowing how great it will be or how long it will last. You will be tempted to want to impose some limits to your suffering. No doubt you will want to control the intensity of your pain.

Do you see the stubborn and hidden hold you have over your life? This control makes the cross necessary in the first place. Do not reject the full work that the power of the cross could accomplish in you. Unfortunately, you will be forced to go over the same ground again and again. Worse yet, you will suffer much, but your suffering will be for no purpose.

May the Lord deliver you from falling into an inner state in which the cross is not at work in you! God loves a cheerful giver. (See Second Corinthians 9:7.) Imagine how much He must love those who abandon themselves to His will cheerfully and completely—even if it results in their crucifixion!"

-Francois Fenelon

the place of no agenda

there comes a point in any relationship where you reach a level of intimacy called "the place of no agenda." in this place, as you would've guessed, there is no agenda. you spend time with each other with absolutely no agenda, other than just to be with them. you don't need to plan any activities, do things to pass the time, nor even worry about talking to each other. in this place, silence isn't awkward, boring, tense, or uncomfortable. in fact, in the "the place of no agenda",  silence is welcomed, and even embraced. you look each other in the eyes. you blissfully sigh, because you feel so known, so understood. both know what the other is thinking. time flies, and before you know it, hours have passed.

"i will come again and will take you to myself, that where i am you may be also" john 14:3
"Father, i desire that they also...may be with where i am, to see my glory." john 17:24

as i spend time with my Beloved, i realize i know too little about this place. in fact, i am good at anything but this place. i find myself looking for more "things" to do, things that would hopefully pass the time more quickly so i would be able to look back and say that i had a good, "productive" time with Him. yet with Him, it's never about productivity, is it? never is it about gaining a new revelation, or filling my head with more bible knowledge, or a new truth. sure, these things lead us to Him, yet when they become "the end" instead of a "means to an end" (Jesus), you've missed the boat. yet time and time again, i find myself doing just that. i strive and strive and strive for a fresh revelation, sing through some songs, and pray through some prayers, only to neglect the One who lives within me and is sitting right next to me. to whom was i reading about? to whom was i singing to? and to whom was i talking to? the worst feeling is to look back and to realize that i have done so much yet i have forgotten Him. i was too busy occupying myself with "stuff" that i've turned my back on the only One that matters. i don't want to talk about You like You're not in the room.

the beauty of waiting upon the LORD is that it is the only discipline that brings me to the level of intimacy found in "the place of no agenda". here, there is no striving for a new revelation, nor is there forced mediation on a scripture or truth. in this place, there is pure enjoyment. to gaze upon His beauty. to dwell in His courts. to partake in the pleasure found at His right hand, and the fullness of joy and satisfaction in His presence. to open my heart, take delight in Him and for Him to take delight me.

i look Him in the eyes and tell Him how much i love Him. 
i wait.
He tells me how much He loves me.
i blissfully sigh.
we do it all over again.

delight in me. delight in me.

in today's world, we leave too little space for this "root of roots" in our relationship with Jesus. we forget that this place of mutual enjoyment is the first reason of our very existence. it's sad that we neglect the very thing that we will be spending an eternity in heaven captivated by. to join in with the angels, behold the glory of His face, and say with all our heart, soul, strength and mind, i am Yours, You are mine, and we'll be together forever.

all i want,
is to be near You, with You, 
where You are