so that's it. He just wants me to be with Him.
it's that simple. to wake up and be able to say "good morning Holy Spirit", to fellowship with Him. to hold His hand daily and enjoy His presence. to live a life full of joy and freedom. to let go, relax, and receive. to enjoy the journey with Him.
and oh, how i love His presence! and how i must be filled by Him!
yet i still forget! i always manage to complicate it. it isn't about finding an answer, or a sudden revelation about His love. nor is it about getting an encounter from Him to satisfy my selfish emotional needs. and i still catch myself trying to rationalize His love, to figure Him out, all His ways and how He works, His thoughts so i can be happy and move on with life. and the moment i think i have Him figured out, He has been kind to stumble me and i realize how foolish and prideful i have been.
and He reveals my weakness. first it's my weakness, compromise and hindrances in loving Him (LORD, remove all things that hinder love!)
more importantly i realize how much i really need Him. and He has finally caused me to lean on Him. of course. as i get to know Him better, He shows me my weakness and just how much i need Him. and how i can't live another moment not knowing His nearness. and how i must be filled. i just have to. i'd rather die than not have His nearness.
and it comes down to simple, childlike love. that i must be always living in a state where i am encountering His love. that in order for me to love Him i must continue to encounter the reality of His delight and favor, love, and affections. and i still need to hear Him call me beloved. lovely. favorite one. to know that I am loved.
oh, how i miss Him! and how much my heart has been aching! how i thirst! how i hunger! and what a blessed place to be! i just can't get enough of Him. it's a sickness, a lovesickness that can't be cured until that day i see Him face to face. because i know there is so much more to Him. it's an obsession, to be possessed by his Holy Spirit (thank you wes).
and He always brings me to the cross. that place where i look straight into the depths of His eyes as He hangs on that tree. and for a moment, deep gazes into deep. and i am overwhelmed by beauty. and the passion of the man Jesus Christ. for me.
misty's new album wrecked me.
then i saw Him there,
hanging on a tree,
looking at me.
He was looking at me, looking at Him, staring through me
i could not escape those beautiful eyes
i began to weep and weep
He had arms wide open, a heat exposed
arms wide open, He was bleeding, bleeding
love's definition was looking at me, looking at Him, hanging on a tree
i began to weep and weep and weep
as i sat there weeping, crying
those beautiful eyes, full of desire and love
this is how i know what love is
~~~
this is the life i choose to live.
to waste my life to know Love.
He is my Magnificent Obsession.
12.18.2009
12.10.2009
fling wide you heavenly gates
prepare the way of the risen LORD.
2010 is upon us. it is gonna be a good year. =)
He is doing so much. we live in some of the most exciting times in HIStory. the LORD is doing big things in hearts at UCSD and across the world. i want to be aware of what He wants to do so i can partner with Him.
right now, He is pouring out His Spirit. He said He would do it this year at UCSD as well. at the beginning of the year He gave us joel 2 and ezekiel 37. i'm gonna continue to pray into what He has given us.
there has been a shift in the hearts of His people. and it's affecting me and those around me at UCSD. even before His kindness demonstrated through the IHOP awakening and the webstream, more and more have been falling in love with the man Jesus. it's happening because we are getting to know His friend, the Holy Spirit, who has been speaking in an indescribable voice straight into our hearts, touching us in a way that is so profound, yet something so beautiful. and it leaves us hungering for more.
as we encounter His Spirit, we encounter His heart. it is something beyond manifestations nor is it something reserved for "charismatics". as His people cry out for more, He has been kind to give love encounters. we are beginning to understand the Father's heart. and Abba Father's love for us as His beloved children. we are beginning to understand how He loves us so. beyond head knowledge and straight to heart. and we are beginning to feel his love and affections. He wants every person in the world to know Him in this intimate way, so He has been kind to pour out His Spirit because His people have been hungering for more.
the spirit of religion is being broken. and He continues to prune away the religious spirit in me. what if the goal of our relationship with Jesus was more than about being a "good christian" and doing the right things for Him, but was actually a relationship where we enjoyed being His friend? what if our relationship with Jesus was less performance driven, less about doing the "right thing" to please Him, but what if success was to know with all our heart that "He loves me and i love Him?"
what if our "christian obligations" weren't obligations but we actually enjoyed spending time with Him? and instead of burdening ourselves with sacrifices of programs and church "obligations", all we had to offer was worship that comes from the heart (psalm 51:16), one of spirit and of truth?
from encountering His heart, He is pouring out a spirit of intercession. prayer is becoming enjoyable. we are beginning to enjoy talking to Him beyond an obligation of "laundry list" prayer. and as we get to know the Father's heart we begin to pray the things that are on the Father's heart.
~~~
the Holy Spirit is searching. He is searching for hearts that will say YES to Him and are willing to partner with His desires for this world. but before that, He simply longs for a resting place (isaiah 66). individually, it is a heart for Him to dwell in. as His church, it is a house of prayer. so let's be a church that prays!
Jesus said His house will be a house of prayer (matt 21:13). it's happening right now. across the world. houses of prayer are being established left and right. but why? not because it sounds cool or because it is the new "radical" thing to do. not because IHOP is doing it. but i think it's because a hunger is being stirred up in hearts that yearn just to be with Him and to partner with Him. His church is beginning to understand what david understood, to build a tabernacle of 24/7 worship because he enjoyed spending time with the LORD.
so what if a house of prayer was not only about intercession, but first and foremost, a house of intimacy, a resting place for the LORD? a place where He can dwell and a place where we as His beloved can fellowship with Him and enjoy His presence? a place where we can simply enjoy being with Him? a place where His people can turn their hearts towards His face to gaze upon His beauty? what if we prayed more not just to pray about things and to ask Him change circumstances around us but to first and foremost, enjoy being with Him? and enjoy talking to Him?
i'm convinced that after intimacy, intercession will come. once we know His heart, we begin to cry out for the things on His heart.
~~~
He brought this up yet again. it is about intercession.
something He has been making more clear to me and those around me is to pray with authority and boldness, or as beni puts it, pray offensively. i still don't know how to pray. but i am always learning more. i've learned:
1) God's will is for kingdom come. on earth as in heaven. our guideline in what to pray is to make earth become like heaven.
2) the LORD's perfect will is not always done. there is sin. and brokenness. and illness. and pain. He does not delight in evil (psalm 5:4). therefore, it is our role as intercessors to pray against the power of darkness and for His kingdom come. because of the cross, we have victory to overcome darkness.
watch bill from 5:16 to the end
HE'S THE ONLY SOLUTION.
HE'S THE ONLY RESOLUTION.
2010 is upon us. it is gonna be a good year. =)
He is doing so much. we live in some of the most exciting times in HIStory. the LORD is doing big things in hearts at UCSD and across the world. i want to be aware of what He wants to do so i can partner with Him.
right now, He is pouring out His Spirit. He said He would do it this year at UCSD as well. at the beginning of the year He gave us joel 2 and ezekiel 37. i'm gonna continue to pray into what He has given us.
there has been a shift in the hearts of His people. and it's affecting me and those around me at UCSD. even before His kindness demonstrated through the IHOP awakening and the webstream, more and more have been falling in love with the man Jesus. it's happening because we are getting to know His friend, the Holy Spirit, who has been speaking in an indescribable voice straight into our hearts, touching us in a way that is so profound, yet something so beautiful. and it leaves us hungering for more.
as we encounter His Spirit, we encounter His heart. it is something beyond manifestations nor is it something reserved for "charismatics". as His people cry out for more, He has been kind to give love encounters. we are beginning to understand the Father's heart. and Abba Father's love for us as His beloved children. we are beginning to understand how He loves us so. beyond head knowledge and straight to heart. and we are beginning to feel his love and affections. He wants every person in the world to know Him in this intimate way, so He has been kind to pour out His Spirit because His people have been hungering for more.
the spirit of religion is being broken. and He continues to prune away the religious spirit in me. what if the goal of our relationship with Jesus was more than about being a "good christian" and doing the right things for Him, but was actually a relationship where we enjoyed being His friend? what if our relationship with Jesus was less performance driven, less about doing the "right thing" to please Him, but what if success was to know with all our heart that "He loves me and i love Him?"
what if our "christian obligations" weren't obligations but we actually enjoyed spending time with Him? and instead of burdening ourselves with sacrifices of programs and church "obligations", all we had to offer was worship that comes from the heart (psalm 51:16), one of spirit and of truth?
from encountering His heart, He is pouring out a spirit of intercession. prayer is becoming enjoyable. we are beginning to enjoy talking to Him beyond an obligation of "laundry list" prayer. and as we get to know the Father's heart we begin to pray the things that are on the Father's heart.
~~~
the Holy Spirit is searching. He is searching for hearts that will say YES to Him and are willing to partner with His desires for this world. but before that, He simply longs for a resting place (isaiah 66). individually, it is a heart for Him to dwell in. as His church, it is a house of prayer. so let's be a church that prays!
Jesus said His house will be a house of prayer (matt 21:13). it's happening right now. across the world. houses of prayer are being established left and right. but why? not because it sounds cool or because it is the new "radical" thing to do. not because IHOP is doing it. but i think it's because a hunger is being stirred up in hearts that yearn just to be with Him and to partner with Him. His church is beginning to understand what david understood, to build a tabernacle of 24/7 worship because he enjoyed spending time with the LORD.
so what if a house of prayer was not only about intercession, but first and foremost, a house of intimacy, a resting place for the LORD? a place where He can dwell and a place where we as His beloved can fellowship with Him and enjoy His presence? a place where we can simply enjoy being with Him? a place where His people can turn their hearts towards His face to gaze upon His beauty? what if we prayed more not just to pray about things and to ask Him change circumstances around us but to first and foremost, enjoy being with Him? and enjoy talking to Him?
i'm convinced that after intimacy, intercession will come. once we know His heart, we begin to cry out for the things on His heart.
~~~
He brought this up yet again. it is about intercession.
something He has been making more clear to me and those around me is to pray with authority and boldness, or as beni puts it, pray offensively. i still don't know how to pray. but i am always learning more. i've learned:
1) God's will is for kingdom come. on earth as in heaven. our guideline in what to pray is to make earth become like heaven.
2) the LORD's perfect will is not always done. there is sin. and brokenness. and illness. and pain. He does not delight in evil (psalm 5:4). therefore, it is our role as intercessors to pray against the power of darkness and for His kingdom come. because of the cross, we have victory to overcome darkness.
watch bill from 5:16 to the end
HE'S THE ONLY SOLUTION.
HE'S THE ONLY RESOLUTION.
12.06.2009
spirit of revelation
studying for finals...
not.
one of the most beautiful gifts the Holy Spirit gives me (He gives His children a lot of good gifts :) ) is the gift of revelation.
there are moments where i find myself drowning in doubt, insecurity, apathy, dullness, self-pity, confusion, selfish thoughts, the "woe-is-me" complaint, whining, and simply doubting His leadership and His ways in my life. like, "LORD, do you really make all things work together for my good?...even now?...look at the way i'm feeling!" it is a place where everything about Him, His love, affections, seem so...meaningless. it is a place where the truths of His character, and His Word are like blunt arrows that fail to pierce, let alone scratch the surface of a heart of stone, a body of dry bones.
but the moment He releases the Spirit of revelation upon me, it is like i have stepped into heaven. it's the Holy Spirit's way of breathing life into me, and everything begins to make sense. sometimes it leaves me in tears, or on my knees, mostly just speechless, but it always leaves me never the same.
too often i find myself struggling with knowing His goodness. simply put, it's hard for me to know that He is good when i don't feel like He is good. and i don't feel His joy, love, and affections. that's where the disconnect is.
yet, after revelation, i am left with nothing but praises. i am left with praises because He has been kind to give me a revelation of His truth. it's like a kiss of the Holy Spirit, whisper of His voice that changes everything. it now becomes easier to praise Him, because He has given me this revelation. i can't help but to give praise. it's an experience of His truth. from the head to heart. and i feel it. after revelation it's like, DUH. of course the LORD is good. i call it my DUH moment. a.k.a. getting owned by God. anyways.
He leaves me in a place where i'm like LORD, how could i have doubted? of course Your ways are good! of course Your leadership is perfect in my life! and He leaves me overwhelmed and in tears over how much He really loves me. and that He is really for me, not against me. and everything He does just screams "i love you" and everything He does says "i care". and i'm overwhelmed by just how good and kind He is to me, and the ways He works.
and because of this revelation, now i actually feel like praising Him, i feel like i have a reason to praise Him, and thanking Him for His goodness and the ways He works. praise now becomes so much more easy. oh happy day!
it kind of reminds me of the israelites...and their struggles in the wilderness...a pattern that goes something like:
1) woe is us! God, you have left us to die! whine whine.
2) God is like "okay, fine, let me show you that i'm still faithful" so He shows up and delivers them
3) israelites are happy. "yay God! we praise you!"
and after a few years...
4) return to step 1
hmm...
yet LORD, you desire me to praise you even when i am lacking in revelation. you desire me to trust even when i lack reason to. Jesus, you are worthy even when i don't feel like it, or when i don't even know why i should praise. Jesus, teach me to praise even without revelation! i want to praise even when the revelation of your goodness hasn't been made to me at the moment. Yet, based on my past experiences, past revelations, past knowledge of your goodness, and what you did on the cross, because you are Creator and LORD of LORDS...BECAUSE YOU HAVE GIVEN ME BREATH IN MY LUNGS, i still have the ability to praise. i still have the desire to thank you for your kindness, your goodness, your mercy, your grace.
and isn't that what faith is all about? to press in, to persevere? to hope, to trust in a Jesus that has yet to return in all His fullness? (hurry, LORD!) to believe in a salvation we can't see? to trust in a God that has yet to fully reveal His manifest presence to us, His shekinah glory? to believe in restoration, in healing, in HIS SOVEREIGNTY AND GOODNESS in a world where we only catch glimpses of them, and the fullness of His revelation is yet to be made known?
now isn't that the faith we are called to? and isn't that the gap (ezekiel 22:30) in which we stand in the place of intercession? to be that voice in the wilderness. and to proclaim with boldness, the message of Jesus, a message of hope for the world, one that has yet to be revealed in it's fullness. as lovers of Jesus isn't that what we live for? to grab hold of His goodness in world of brokenness? to love Him, to bow down to Him in worship and praise in a world that has yet to call Him worthy? a world that has yet to see and experience a revelation of the fullness of His splendor and majesty?
because once He returns it's easy for anyone to praise Him. once the fullness of revelation comes, once we see Him face to face, we will all have our DUH moment, as we surrender to the fullness of His glory. oh the glory. for many, it will be costly. (give us souls, LORD!)
which is why it's not about the end, but the journey that counts. hmm. thanks Jesse.
i'm not gonna wait until He comes. because He came already, 2,000 years ago. not only did He come, but 2,000 years ago, He said YES to me and hung on a tree. that's all the revelation i'm ever gonna need.
until then, i'm throw aside my own emotions and feelings, and i'm gonna praise Him. i'm gonna love Him, i'm gonna trust Him to the end. i want to be found faithful up to my last breath.
if we could see how much you're worth, your power, your might, your endless love, then surely we would never cease to praise you.
not.
one of the most beautiful gifts the Holy Spirit gives me (He gives His children a lot of good gifts :) ) is the gift of revelation.
there are moments where i find myself drowning in doubt, insecurity, apathy, dullness, self-pity, confusion, selfish thoughts, the "woe-is-me" complaint, whining, and simply doubting His leadership and His ways in my life. like, "LORD, do you really make all things work together for my good?...even now?...look at the way i'm feeling!" it is a place where everything about Him, His love, affections, seem so...meaningless. it is a place where the truths of His character, and His Word are like blunt arrows that fail to pierce, let alone scratch the surface of a heart of stone, a body of dry bones.
but the moment He releases the Spirit of revelation upon me, it is like i have stepped into heaven. it's the Holy Spirit's way of breathing life into me, and everything begins to make sense. sometimes it leaves me in tears, or on my knees, mostly just speechless, but it always leaves me never the same.
too often i find myself struggling with knowing His goodness. simply put, it's hard for me to know that He is good when i don't feel like He is good. and i don't feel His joy, love, and affections. that's where the disconnect is.
yet, after revelation, i am left with nothing but praises. i am left with praises because He has been kind to give me a revelation of His truth. it's like a kiss of the Holy Spirit, whisper of His voice that changes everything. it now becomes easier to praise Him, because He has given me this revelation. i can't help but to give praise. it's an experience of His truth. from the head to heart. and i feel it. after revelation it's like, DUH. of course the LORD is good. i call it my DUH moment. a.k.a. getting owned by God. anyways.
He leaves me in a place where i'm like LORD, how could i have doubted? of course Your ways are good! of course Your leadership is perfect in my life! and He leaves me overwhelmed and in tears over how much He really loves me. and that He is really for me, not against me. and everything He does just screams "i love you" and everything He does says "i care". and i'm overwhelmed by just how good and kind He is to me, and the ways He works.
and because of this revelation, now i actually feel like praising Him, i feel like i have a reason to praise Him, and thanking Him for His goodness and the ways He works. praise now becomes so much more easy. oh happy day!
it kind of reminds me of the israelites...and their struggles in the wilderness...a pattern that goes something like:
1) woe is us! God, you have left us to die! whine whine.
2) God is like "okay, fine, let me show you that i'm still faithful" so He shows up and delivers them
3) israelites are happy. "yay God! we praise you!"
and after a few years...
4) return to step 1
hmm...
yet LORD, you desire me to praise you even when i am lacking in revelation. you desire me to trust even when i lack reason to. Jesus, you are worthy even when i don't feel like it, or when i don't even know why i should praise. Jesus, teach me to praise even without revelation! i want to praise even when the revelation of your goodness hasn't been made to me at the moment. Yet, based on my past experiences, past revelations, past knowledge of your goodness, and what you did on the cross, because you are Creator and LORD of LORDS...BECAUSE YOU HAVE GIVEN ME BREATH IN MY LUNGS, i still have the ability to praise. i still have the desire to thank you for your kindness, your goodness, your mercy, your grace.
and isn't that what faith is all about? to press in, to persevere? to hope, to trust in a Jesus that has yet to return in all His fullness? (hurry, LORD!) to believe in a salvation we can't see? to trust in a God that has yet to fully reveal His manifest presence to us, His shekinah glory? to believe in restoration, in healing, in HIS SOVEREIGNTY AND GOODNESS in a world where we only catch glimpses of them, and the fullness of His revelation is yet to be made known?
now isn't that the faith we are called to? and isn't that the gap (ezekiel 22:30) in which we stand in the place of intercession? to be that voice in the wilderness. and to proclaim with boldness, the message of Jesus, a message of hope for the world, one that has yet to be revealed in it's fullness. as lovers of Jesus isn't that what we live for? to grab hold of His goodness in world of brokenness? to love Him, to bow down to Him in worship and praise in a world that has yet to call Him worthy? a world that has yet to see and experience a revelation of the fullness of His splendor and majesty?
because once He returns it's easy for anyone to praise Him. once the fullness of revelation comes, once we see Him face to face, we will all have our DUH moment, as we surrender to the fullness of His glory. oh the glory. for many, it will be costly. (give us souls, LORD!)
which is why it's not about the end, but the journey that counts. hmm. thanks Jesse.
i'm not gonna wait until He comes. because He came already, 2,000 years ago. not only did He come, but 2,000 years ago, He said YES to me and hung on a tree. that's all the revelation i'm ever gonna need.
until then, i'm throw aside my own emotions and feelings, and i'm gonna praise Him. i'm gonna love Him, i'm gonna trust Him to the end. i want to be found faithful up to my last breath.
if we could see how much you're worth, your power, your might, your endless love, then surely we would never cease to praise you.
psalm 21
oh, how i rejoice in your strength, O LORD,
i shout for joy in the victories you give me!
You have granted me the desire of my heart
and have not withheld any request from my lips
You have welcomed me with rich blessings
and placed a crown of pure gold on my head
i asked you for life, and you gave it to me--
length of days, for ever and ever
You bring me great victories, my glory is great
You have clothed me with splendor and majesty
you have granted me eternal blessings
and you have made me glad with the joy of Your presence
for i trust in the LORD;
through the unfailing love of the Most High
i will not be shaken
be exalted, O LORD, in your strength;
i will sing and praise Your might.
i shout for joy in the victories you give me!
You have granted me the desire of my heart
and have not withheld any request from my lips
You have welcomed me with rich blessings
and placed a crown of pure gold on my head
i asked you for life, and you gave it to me--
length of days, for ever and ever
You bring me great victories, my glory is great
You have clothed me with splendor and majesty
you have granted me eternal blessings
and you have made me glad with the joy of Your presence
for i trust in the LORD;
through the unfailing love of the Most High
i will not be shaken
be exalted, O LORD, in your strength;
i will sing and praise Your might.
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