3.03.2012

feeling free

tonight, i'm just feeling really free. i went running with joanne today and it was a blast. it felt so good to run around at an empty high school track and be as silly as we could. it felt so free to know that no matter how silly i was, she wouldn't judge me and she'd still love me.
tonight, i'm learning how to be free in my relationship with Jesus. not free in the sense that i can do whatever i want, but free in knowing that He accepts me just the way i am. He still loves me. now, instead of always feeling like i fall short, i can rest assured that no matter what i do, He still loves me. where i am lacking, His grace abounds more. i can now love Him back, secure and confident in His acceptance of me, not from a place of fear or performance. He loves me!

1.21.2012

set apart

 17 So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. 18 They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. 19 Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.
 20 That, however, is not the way of life you learned 21 when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
Eph 4:17-24

Refiner's fire
my heart's one desire
is to be holy
set apart for you Lord
i choose to be, holy
set apart for you, my Master
ready to do Your will

1.07.2012

happy new year!

some things never change. His love is good. His love is perfect. His love is strong. He is altogether lovely, and i've only scraped the surface.
here's to 2012, and to a journey of seeing Him better, only so i can't help but keep my eyes stuck on His Magnificence.

11 One thing God has spoken, 
   two things I have heard: 
“Power belongs to you, God, 
 12 and with you, Lord, is unfailing love”


12.03.2011

it's one of those nights

where my heart aches. it doesn't know exactly what it wants, but it senses that something is near. it doesn't happen too often, but when it does, i jump on the opportunity to see what He wants to do. it's a moment of grace, an open heaven moment, to hit the pause button in the midst of a blur of a season, to sit and open up a weary, thirsty heart. though i haven't been feeling Him much, haven't been hearing much, tonight, this was just what i needed. it's hard to describe the feeling when the indwelt longing put inside me just wants to reach out and encounter the fullness of the One who put it there in the first place. yes, it's almost like i want to scream. scream because tonight, i'd rather die than never encounter whatever it is that my heart is screaming for. tonight, i'd rather die than live a lukewarm life. tonight, i'd rather die than live another day without having this longing met, just for a little while. so i'll sit here, and let You love me. i'll finally let You love me. i know i've been here before, but i'll open up this cold cold heart of mine and stop trying so hard. i'll stop. i'm stopping everything to finally let You love me. i'll wait, i'll wait the rest of my life if i have to, i'll wait even if other people think i'm crazy, too intense, i'll do anything. i'll do anything to have You. i'll wait because i know that You are worth it. 



9 How is your beloved better than others,
   most beautiful of women?
How is your beloved better than others,
   that you so charge us?

 10 My beloved is radiant and ruddy,
   outstanding among ten thousand.

SOS 5:9-10

11.27.2011

11.24.2011

thankful 2011

Abba father, this year i thank you for,
1) the prayer room webstream. thank you for the faithful ones at IHOP who cry out to you day and night. thank you for the way they bring me straight to your heart on good days and bad days. thank you for their reminder that you are the same, and unchanging, and your love never ends.
2) my family: dad, for working so hard in china all by himself, so that i will never be in need. mom, for her love for the Lord. for each prayer she prays for me every morning. for the way she teaches me humility and perseverance, and the joy of the Lord. brother and sister, for their support and laughter.

3)Your blood spilled at the cross. your blood speaks a better word. your blood washes me white as snow. your blood that made a way for me to enter into the most holy place, your blood that made a way for me to approach the throne of grace with confidence knowing that You will always be waiting there with arms wide open, regardless of what i have done.
4) Your strong love. your love that is stronger than my sin, my shame, and weaknesses. your love that reaches for me when i don't feel like reaching anymore. your love that never changes even in this new season.
5) the book of psalms. thank you for david's passion, hunger, and raw honesty in his expression of love towards you.
6) the friendship of the Holy Spirit. thank you for Your whispers on mornings i don't want to get up, and all the conversations with me in the car.
7) a new church community at VOH. brothers and sisters to fellowship with. send your fire God!
8) friends from SD that i can still keep in touch with. you know who you are!
9) the privilege of (more) education. the privilege of studying. the privilege that you've called me to pursue medicine only so that you may be glorified. oh that i may be found ready and willing.
10) good grades at westernU. for keeping me above average, and for a good friend to keep me motivated to study 15 hours each day.
11) the shiau family. thank you for a great family to love me and welcome me, to cook me good food, and to let me come over to study and hang out with their daughter.
12) this girl. thank you Father for blessing me with the most beautiful, supportive, and loving girl to partner with me in this season (and for more to come!). help us to love you rightly together, that we would be faithful and obedient with the talents You've given us.

11.12.2011

when i heard Your voice

You have said, "seek my face."
my heart says to you,
Your face, LORD, do i seek.