the pursuit of holiness (or the pursuit of righteousness, whatever you call it) is achieved in 2 ways, both of which require a very basic sunday school concept: obedience to Jesus.
on one hand we have obedience fueled by religious duty. duty implies obligation, a responsibility, work, a job. here, our heart is always reaching, always struggling, always striving, always trying harder. we rely on our own willpower as we believe that by taming our spirit to just "do the right thing", we will be successful, and hopefully, obtain perfection, a self-ordained version of righteousness, a "christian nirvana". we constantly find ourselves doubting if we will ever be good enough, and we wonder if we are really worth as much as He says we are. and always, lurking in the back dark corner is the fear of failure.
on the other hand we have obedience fueled by a love relationship of encounter. here we stand in confidence in the place of grace, where obedience comes from an overflow out of the abundance of the heart. here, obedience comes from a heart response, a form of worship because these days it seems like worship is the only appropriate response after encountering the face of Love. obedience becomes a dance, as the steps of our heart flow in sync with the movements of His, as our heart is swept away by the goodness of His every move.
it's amazing how the same goal can have such differing ways of reaching it. both operate from a genuine heart that desires nothing but true relationship with Jesus. however, one kills the spirit, and we reach a place where the journey has become too hard, and we just can't go on anymore.
the other, you His son, His daughter.
life does not get any better than this.
7.31.2010
7.25.2010
show me Your glory
i live to know His love.
i live to know Him--His character, His emotions, feelings, and thoughts. at any moment in the day, i want to be aware of His manifest presence as tangibly as the wind on my face, the sun on my skin.
a tenderized heart is one that does whatever it takes to know Him. it is one that does not settle. it is one that longs to read the Word only to be moved to tears. anything short of that would not suffice.
a tenderized heart is a john 17:3 commitment to know God. it is one that fears a dull spirit and a lukewarm heart.
~~~
confession: since the beginning of summer, i've had a nagging desire to be taken up into the throne room! yes, a revelation 4 encounter, just to get a glimpse of the beauty of the One who sits on the throne. oh, just a glimpse please?
yes, quite the random but it keeps coming back to me. i'll keep asking!
God said to Moses, "climb higher up the mountain and wait there for me; I'll give you tablets of stone, the teachings and commandments." exodus 24
yes, in order to meet God i must constantly climb higher, in order to hear His voice, i must learn to wait more. He's been kind in giving me an insatiable desire to escape and be with Him. oftentimes it makes me doubt if i'm being antisocial or a loner. today i'm learning it's just the way He made me, and He's given me these desires for a reason. i'll choose to be obedient to them.
in today's society, being alone has been given a negative connotation. solitude has become paired with a lonely, depressed, emo, loner, leave-me-alone/i want to kill myself type of mindset. we have become fearful of being alone so we pack our lives with busy-ness and we no longer have time for His presence. we have become too busy for His presence. such tragedy!
today, i will choose solitude. no, not the loner type of solitude, but the type where i can be alone to fellowship with Him. a place where the things of this world--responsibilities, other relationships can fade away, where i shift my mind from the things of this world to things of the Spirit, where i can position myself and feed upon His Word, and my heart is ready to encounter Him. glory.
here, i wait.
here, i am transformed from glory to glory.
here i am, LORD
show me your glory.
i live to know Him--His character, His emotions, feelings, and thoughts. at any moment in the day, i want to be aware of His manifest presence as tangibly as the wind on my face, the sun on my skin.
a tenderized heart is one that does whatever it takes to know Him. it is one that does not settle. it is one that longs to read the Word only to be moved to tears. anything short of that would not suffice.
a tenderized heart is a john 17:3 commitment to know God. it is one that fears a dull spirit and a lukewarm heart.
~~~
confession: since the beginning of summer, i've had a nagging desire to be taken up into the throne room! yes, a revelation 4 encounter, just to get a glimpse of the beauty of the One who sits on the throne. oh, just a glimpse please?
yes, quite the random but it keeps coming back to me. i'll keep asking!
God said to Moses, "climb higher up the mountain and wait there for me; I'll give you tablets of stone, the teachings and commandments." exodus 24
yes, in order to meet God i must constantly climb higher, in order to hear His voice, i must learn to wait more. He's been kind in giving me an insatiable desire to escape and be with Him. oftentimes it makes me doubt if i'm being antisocial or a loner. today i'm learning it's just the way He made me, and He's given me these desires for a reason. i'll choose to be obedient to them.
in today's society, being alone has been given a negative connotation. solitude has become paired with a lonely, depressed, emo, loner, leave-me-alone/i want to kill myself type of mindset. we have become fearful of being alone so we pack our lives with busy-ness and we no longer have time for His presence. we have become too busy for His presence. such tragedy!
today, i will choose solitude. no, not the loner type of solitude, but the type where i can be alone to fellowship with Him. a place where the things of this world--responsibilities, other relationships can fade away, where i shift my mind from the things of this world to things of the Spirit, where i can position myself and feed upon His Word, and my heart is ready to encounter Him. glory.
here, i wait.
here, i am transformed from glory to glory.
here i am, LORD
show me your glory.
7.15.2010
my biggest fears
(yay for late night rants!)
it's a scary thing, to finally be able to sit and be still, only to realize that it's been so long;
so long that you've forgotten the face that you were created to gaze upon.
it's a scary thing, to sit and be still, only to realize that you've forgotten who He is;
you don't even know who you are waiting for.
it's a scary thing, to become bored, restless, after spending just a minute in silence with Him;
you no longer can enjoy just being with Him.
it's a scary thing, to have time set out to talk to Him;
only to realize you have nothing to talk about. you don't even want to be here with Him.
it's a scary thing, to be unmoved when you meditate upon His love;
is Your love really better than life?
tonight, i recommit my vow to never reach these places.
i will cling on to You and never ever let go.
it's a scary thing, to finally be able to sit and be still, only to realize that it's been so long;
so long that you've forgotten the face that you were created to gaze upon.
it's a scary thing, to sit and be still, only to realize that you've forgotten who He is;
you don't even know who you are waiting for.
it's a scary thing, to become bored, restless, after spending just a minute in silence with Him;
you no longer can enjoy just being with Him.
it's a scary thing, to have time set out to talk to Him;
only to realize you have nothing to talk about. you don't even want to be here with Him.
it's a scary thing, to be unmoved when you meditate upon His love;
is Your love really better than life?
tonight, i recommit my vow to never reach these places.
i will cling on to You and never ever let go.
thanks, justin
oh the peace,
of pure abandon
oh the joy,
of sweet surrender
cause if i try and save my life i will lose it
but if i lose my life for Your sake i'll find it in the end
this is true life:
give it all away
~~~
happy holiness
joyful righteousness
life,
is found
in the letting go,
true joy,
is found
in the tearing of the heart
of pure abandon
oh the joy,
of sweet surrender
cause if i try and save my life i will lose it
but if i lose my life for Your sake i'll find it in the end
this is true life:
give it all away
~~~
happy holiness
joyful righteousness
life,
is found
in the letting go,
true joy,
is found
in the tearing of the heart
7.12.2010
thanks, Abba
when you're not really sure what's going on,
when you're wondering if you are on the right track,
when you question if you're doing well,
He kindly reminds you that He's still here with you.
surely goodness and mercy will cover me,
all the days of my life.
surely i'm going to dwell in the house of the LORD,
forevermore.
no more words necessary
when you're wondering if you are on the right track,
when you question if you're doing well,
He kindly reminds you that He's still here with you.
surely goodness and mercy will cover me,
all the days of my life.
surely i'm going to dwell in the house of the LORD,
forevermore.
no more words necessary
7.08.2010
this is my confidence
the spirit of performance/religious spirit/orphan spirit is one that keeps on telling me that God isn't pleased with me, that i've missed the mark or that i'm doing something wrong, preventing me from boldly standing before Him. it is a place of insecurity, one that keeps telling me that i have to be doing more, strive harder, pray harder, to pursue holiness harder, to trust more, to grasp on to every spiritual truth on the knowledge of God (how it slips through my fingers!), and it leaves me in a place thinking i am just never good enough. and as i drown in my weakness i lose all sense of my self worth, and i feel like a failure. woe is me! =(
the concept of amazing grace is one that i've just scratched the surface of. the journey of understanding the free gift of grace is a long one because the grace of Jesus is another one of those upside down kingdom truths--one that clashes with how my human heart naturally understands love and acceptance. (really? i don't have to do anything to earn love?)
besides the forgiveness of my sins (mercy), amazing grace brings me into a position of confidence. it is a place where i am completely righteous not because of what i do but because what He did, in making a way for me to enter into the holy place. with this posture of confidence, i receive the spirit of adoption, and i enter into my identity as His son. as His son, i can run to Him amidst drowning my immature love, my inability to trust, the ease by which i forget His truths, and to know that Abba Father enjoys me just as i am.
in this place, there is no striving.
here, i can walk with my chin up because i know who i am and i know who i belong to.
the enemy loves to take away my confidence. confidence means that i am filled with desire. it means i can run boldly, freely to His throne and embrace Him, because i have faith. i'm realizing my confidence can't rely on how i'm feeling, or what comes to my mind at the moment, because the default will be the lies of the enemy, that i'm not loved, not worthy, nor do i deserve Him because i've fallen so short in my humanness.
the reality of amazing grace, just like any truth i learn or read, isn't a truth i can just blog about or highlight in my bible and store into the deep abyss of my mind. rather, truth becomes alive only when i can use it in my dialogue with Him and it when it becomes something so engrained in my thoughts that my heart beats to it. such transformation, or the renewing of the mind (romans 12:2) is possible only as i fill my mind with truth and i thank Him and talk to Him about it. here, a paradigm shift brings about a revelation of the beautiful inheritance i always had, yet had failed to realize: the free gift of righteousness. it's a remarkable thing, to realize that freedom comes with the small (yet extremely difficult) way my mind thinks. such is the beauty of the spirit of revelation. thank You Holy Spirit!
oh the riches of a confident spirit i have yet to discover.
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