His gift of the day

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
rom. 15:13

so the mommy gave this verse to me a few months ago. it was on my wall for 2 quarters. and a few days ago, this verse came back. and now it's on andy's job description of spiritual director. hehe.

what does this verse mean? there's so many good words in it. and there's so many ways you can read it. try emphasizing each word in color and you can like write like 9 different sermons just on this one verse. haha! (yes, that is what i think about when i read the bible...not.)

like before, this verse meant to me that our God is a God of hope. hope when emotions, seasons, circumstances are hopeless. today when i was reading it while eating by myself next to biomed, (the highlight of my day) the word was fill. to be filled with Him. hmm. yes. to be filled with joy, peace, and the power of the Holy Spirit. mmm. delicious.

and joy. peace. trust. sounds like Jesus.

and it doesn't stop there: that we may overflow as a result of our soul-filling of Him. with joy. peace. trusting in Him. and as we overflow, we overflow power. Jesus gives us power. power that is not of ourselves, but of Him. of His Holy Spirit. the power to love Him, to love others when we have none. to love deeply in a way we cannot. the power to persevere and press into Him when we are doubtful. the power to love Jesus the way the Father loves Jesus. the power to be joyful when life is mundane. the power to heal. to affirm. to be Jesus to those who need Him. the power to bring usher in the Kingdom of God into a broken world. the power to restore what has been broken. the power to do His will, to usher in Heaven on earth. the power to Kingdom come for His will be done. on earth as in Heaven.

that gives me something to set my gaze on.

thanks Jesus.

~~~

by the way there's a verbal reasoning section for the MCAT and you have to read passages and one of the first sentences reads like this:

Those who opine lose their impunity when the circumstances in which they pontificate are such that generate from their expression a positive instigation of some mischievous act.

i didn't get one word of that sentence. did you? help me, God.

video

God is the same yesterday today and forever.

eyes on Jesus

disclaimer. a lot of my entries aren't meant to be read. they are there just so i can process/rant, and perhaps declare the goodness of God somehow. this is one of them.

i fail so many times. time and time again i tell myself not to get caught up with myself. not to get caught up with the stress, the conflicts, the burdens of life. not to get caught up with my own thoughts, the "woe is me" thoughts that only make me feel more bum. what still consumes much of my mind are how to best plan my day. to make the best use of my time to maximize my study time, work, and my time with others. i come up with plans how to be productive, and pack my schedule with task after task.

the reality of the daily routine of life can be so mundane. life in itself is really empty. we study our butts off until we find it glued to the surface of an office chair, a desk job, caught up in the cycle of work, of money. we work till we die. no wonder average person's life is filled with more stress, more emptiness, more depression than ever before. where is our purpose? where is the passion, the joy of life? sure, we have entertainment, and friendships and relationships sprinkled here and there. but at the end of the day, it's only you. only you and life. good luck.

studying for MCATs every day of the summer for 2 months straight isn't the best way to spend a summer. biomed library from 9-5 monday-friday isn't joyful. especially when the beautiful san diego sun peeks at you through the windows. its like a jail cell. haha. and dude. the MCATs are hecka depressing. it's like cramming 3 years of undergrad bio/chem/physics into one test. and realizing the competition i am against. g.g. but it's okay. shoot. i have Jesus. i fear nothing.

yet that's where we fail. that's where i fail. each morning i cry out for Jesus' love to fill my life only to find myself taking life as a burden. i long so much for the joy of the Lord to be my strength. i long for His peace to transcend the constant nagging in my mind that i should be studying, doing something productive. i long for balance. yes, to study, to work, but with a totally different mindset. a mindset that is set; set on heaven.

the reality is this: we all live in a mundane world with relatively mundane lifestyles. we go to school, study, work, eat, and sleep. we go through much of the daily routines of our life with glazed eyes, in a stupor, a trance, like the walking dead, concerned only with our next task at hand.

but i don't want that. yes, i am still a part of this world and it's routines but my heart, my mind, my eyes are set on something far greater. i want to live like i'm in heaven. i want abundant life. that my life has purpose, meaning. that every single thing I do is to love, to glorify Jesus. my eyes aren't set on the burdens, the mundane realities of life but on Jesus. i won't allow myself to become so tense, so gripped, consumed, and bound my my life obligations. Jesus, FREE ME from the burdens of life, from my responsibilities, of studying, of a successful ministry, a successful career.

too often my eyes are caught on the wrong things. too often my eyes are caught on circumstances, on my emotions, of comparing myself with others, of how i am not good enough; too often my eyes are stuck only on myself and my problems. and i whine to Him and mope about life being so hard and why is He doing this to me. i'm such a whiner. i complain about why doesn't He just break through in my life. Jesus why don't you just show up? i cry out! what am i doing wrong? sins i haven't repented from? the wrong mindset?

wrong questions! it isn't about myself. truth is, i need to grow up. truth is, God is good, all the time. He just wants to bless me, to love me, He DOES want to break through in my life but He can't because i'm not allowing Him to! truth is, I am God's beloved, His favorite one, I am royalty, His prince and of course He only wants to bless me!
delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. ps. 37:4
of course He longs to give me the desires of my heart. He DOES want to give me wisdom and knowledge. but by being such a whiner my eyes are not set on Him. i need to delight in Him. truth is, He does want to pour out his abundant blessings, abundant life into me but my mind is bound. it is bound by the chains of a slave-mindset. i've become a slave to myself, where i will never be good enough, where i will never be satisfied with the state of my life. and with this mindset I expect God to break through? i expect the Holy Spirit to be near when my mind is on the woe-ness of myself? yea right.

Jesus, give me a heart of praise. give me a heart of joy. that comes from you alone. i want to let go of life. show me what that means. I REPENT FROM MY OLD LIFESTYLE. my old thoughts. my thoughts. i'm sorry Jesus, for not fully trusting in your goodness, your love, your power in my life.

enjoy

this is my family! i miss them alot. haha. God has blessed me sooo much with family. with mommy, daddy, brother rick and sister alicia. i'm soo blessed with good family. i'm so blessed to be able to come home to a family of people who love me in such a deep way. i think especially today, not to many people can come home to such a loving family. not to say that my family is perfect.

but it's really amazing what the power of Jesus' love can do. it took Jesus to heal brokenness. it transforms brokenness and turns it into beauty. it transforms hurt, rejection, anger, and turns it into love, a profound love that transcends our imperfections, our flaws. it is a deep sense of love that will always exist no matter what happens.

they are a lot of fun.

brother rick likes to work out. his muscles are really big. i go lifting with him and he spots me and i lift these dinky weights and he's pumping weights the size of car tires. he encouragingly pushes me until i'm sore for an entire week. when we go running i'm always one step ahead of him as i push him a bit harder. it's a pretty cool connection

sister alicia secretly likes me alot but just doesn't want to admit it. HAHA just kidding. she's probably reading this as well. HELLO ALICIA. cause she likes to stalk my facebook and laugh at my ridiculous pictures and complains how it seems like i don't study in college and all i do is eat cause all of my pictures have me eating in them. i brag to her how i'm more popular with all my facebook pictures and she has none. she just laughs cause she thinks i'm such a loser and doesn't believe that i can make any friends HAHA cause of my no manners when i eat and burping in her face and stuff like that. i like to make her laugh. oh yea and she secretly likes it when i take her to every single one of her soccer practices. or when i take her and her friends out to lunch. and i know she secretly admires me and the music i listen to. the other day i was playing tim be told in my car and she was laughing about how i listen to uncool music. until her friend walks into the car the next day and starts singing along and the next day she guilty-ly asks me for the songs. HAHA

and the mother. mommy is pretty cool. i guess i am pretty much a momma's boy. she is everything that i want to be. a mom that walks in the power and love of the Holy Spirit. to radiate Jesus to each patient she sees (she's a nurse). i'm so thankful God put her in my life to be so much to me--a mother, a mentor, a friend, and so much more. to have the privilege to pray together, for her to speak so much life into me.

the father. daddy works so hard. although it's hard cause he talks about money a lot he works hard because he loves me. he is responsible because he only wants the best for me. he travels 3 weeks every month, jet lag and all because he loves me. i couldn't have asked for more.

ahhh i just realized that this is the second time i've talked about my family on this thing. HAHA oh well i'm gonna post it anyways cause i just spent half an hour writing this.

value relationships deeply. relationships are not about the end, but the journey in between. it's like our relationship with Jesus. we don't live for heaven. rather, we live for our day by day walking in the fullness of His presence, constant fellowship with Him.

more waiting upon God has been good. it enables me to be present to God's presence. to be aware of His presence around me not only in the morning as i wait upon Him but to be able to bring that into every aspect of the rest of my day. it's what keeps my passion going. to study His passion for me. His affections for me. to be reminded that I am royalty. I am His favorite one. to sit and enjoy.