surrender '10

surrender

and the journey of a surrendered soul continues. it's been a process of finding joy in the letting go, where He has asked me to exchange all my short-lived, temporary expectations for His perfect leadership. it's a place where i have learned to let go of everything, as i watch as the waves of His mercy destroy the castles of sand (my own plans for this life) which i've unconsciously built. as i'm swept under the waves of His mercy, His jealous love purges all my hopes and desires put in anything but Him. in this place of desperation, i scramble quickly, and cry out to my only Constant. in His kindness, not only does He come, but He gives me a chance to set my feet on the Rock--my firm foundation, to which i cling to this day.

the purging process is one that leaves me with no agenda and no expectations. a purged soul is one that knows nothing but the thoughts and desires of the indwelling presence of His Spirit. a renewed mind leads to a transformed heart--it is a place where i know nothing but the good, pleasing and perfect will of a good Abba (rom 12:2). here, there is life and peace (rom 8:5). in this rare state of my heart, i can finally scream with all my heart, "all my fountains are in You! my hope is in You alone!"

such are the beginnings of a soul surrendered to the Spirit. it has brought me to a place where i've learned to come into complete agreement with every step He leads me. it's a journey of praise--praising Him for every door He opens as well as every door He closes. because He is a good good Father.

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⁹But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. ¹⁰For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 corinthians 12:9-10

the pursuit of true joy requires a tearing of the heart. i asked, and He gave. a torn heart is a vulnerable one. a season of weakness tenderizes the heart where i have nowhere to run but into His arms. a tenderized heart postures me in a position to receive from Him, where my Spirit is vulnerable, yet sensitive to each word He is saying to me. each word now pierces the heart in an instant, whereas a for a dull spirit it can take days. a weak heart is a place where i can scream wholeheartedly, "Jesus, You're all i want, You're all i need!"

most people dread seasons of weakness. yet i've finally learned to enjoy them. in fact, i've learned to look forward to them as i anticipate the depths He could take me this time. as i reflect on the past, seasons of weakness have been seasons of desperation. they are the seasons where i have nothing else to hold on to but Him. these are the seasons where the heartfelt cries of psalm 73 become mine: "whom have i in heaven but you? and there is nothing on earth that i desire besides you."

these seasons are rare. but i treasure them deeply. thank You LORD!
You never stop, never stop loving me.