choices

13 years later, it's still a choice.
it's not a once-in-a-lifetime-stand-up-if-you-want-to-accept-Jesus-into-your-life type of choice.
nor is it a once-a-day-during-devo-and-forget-about-it choice.
it's become a moment-by-moment choice that follows every breath i take.
13 years later, i'm still left choosing.

tonight, the choice is the same it was 13 years ago. the choice remains simple. will i choose Jesus? will i say yes to Him? will i choose His promises, His Truth, His voice, His ways above my ways?
or will i say NO to all that and choose something else over Him? will i choose myself over Him? will i give in to what my emotions tell me? will i choose to dwell in my insecurities, my doubts, and fears?

the voices come flooding back.
some tell me that i have no hope, that i'm always giving You the benefit of the doubt, that i'm just doing some positive thinking therapy, that You do not care about me, that You are ignoring me, and that You have forsaken me.
yet, another familiar voice tells me that Your love is steadfast, You are faithful, You are constant, and most importantly, that You are here with me now.

what will i choose tonight?

tonight, i will choose You. i will choose to hold on to Your promises. i will choose Your Truth over my emotions. tonight i choose to live in Your joy, peace, and freedom. tonight, i choose You over the lies, the voices that tell me i have no hope. i will choose You over the temptation to desire anything apart from You.

tonight, i, eric shi, will choose to say YES to Jesus. i will choose to die to myself. tonight i will choose to renew my mind according to the Spirit, and to be transformed by Your love. 

at the end of the day, whom do i have but You? 
how can i refuse Your kindness, Your steadfast love?