this is how He blesses me

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

seasons of weakness are a gift from God.
it's a gift because it gives me a chance to boast--not about myself, because no one would want to hear about how miserable and weak i am. rather, when i am weak, i get the chance to boast about none other than He who makes me strong.
in my weakness, there is no confusion about where my strength comes from. in my weakness, the thin line between depending on my flesh and leaning into the Spirit becomes a bold, dark line. when i am weak, i can no longer do anything on my own strength, and it becomes clear where my strength comes from--completely from Him. here, i take no credit. here, there is no boasting about how good i am. only about how good He is.

it is in my weakness and pain where His voice is loudest. it's usually the place i try to avoid and run away from. i manage to avoid it by telling myself that i really don't need to depend on Him that much so i run on my own strength...i manage to make it a few steps...next thing i know, i'm on my knees crying out to Him in desperation. by His mercy, His amazing grace, His jealous love, i find myself here again, and it finally hits me. it is the very place He always wanted me to be.

to be used by God, i'm learning to be weak and foolish rather than an all-conquering hero. when i am feeling weak and weary, my strength comes from clinging to His steadfast love, found in His promises. it's through my trials where i discover that He is always for me, never against me.

~~~

And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. If he does, the new wine will burst the skins, the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, new wine must be poured into new wineskins.

seasons of pain are a gift from God.
the tearing of the heart is a painful process. however, pain, when dealt with correctly, always begets beauty.
beauty is a heart torn open, ready to receive more.
beauty is found in the trading in of old wineskins for new ones, only to recieve more of the Spirit.
beauty is a jeremiah 2 moment, to leave behind the broken cisterns that never satisfy in wholehearted pursuit of the Fountain of life.
never going back, only going forward.

You make all things new.