emotions

i have putting off this post for quite some time now. (andy would know heh)

emotions are a gift from God. some feel more than others. the F in my ENFJ means i experience God naturally through feeling Him. it has been a season of a love/hate relationship of acknowledging just how much of a feeler He created me to be, one i see as a gift when i feel good and one that i question when i feel bummed. like when i feel bummed (due to circumstance or situation) i have a greater difficulty feeling Him and therefore a greater difficulty to love Him and i question why He even gave me emotions. why couldn't i just know the truth, be happy, move on, and just always love Him 100%? but that would mean i would be a robot and God did not create me to be a robot. nope. i don't think so.

as a feeler, i always have trouble with trying to rationalize Jesus or experiencing Him through theory. or head knowledge. and it's always been hard to experience a heart reality when i cannot feel Him. during this season of an emotional tug-of-war i embrace this truth more than ever before: beauty is when head knowledge flows down from the head to become a heart reality.

we can know God is good, He loves us with an everlasting love. with our head, we know this. we sing about it, we read books on it. we spend hours in church learning about it. as christians we spend our entire lives getting drilled with this truth. we even share with others about how good He is.
yet until we experience His love first hand through a love encounter, that head knowledge remains head knowledge. until the Holy Spirit gives us a revelation of His goodness, love, and mercy and makes it an experiential reality to us, we are stuck in what i call religion. a bunch of rules, theories, and ideas. dead. we live a life of faith but no heart. religion but no relationship. so come Holy Spirit. Spirit of revelation come.

yet my extreme emotions feeler action is a gift. He's telling me not to purge it from me. and i'm definitely not going to stop trying to feel Him. No. i will continue to strive first to seek out His emotions for me. His thoughts, His affections, His passions, desires, for me. and when i cannot feel Him i am weak and i cry out in holy desperation. i cry out what i know to be true yet not feeling any of it. and He comes and sweeps me off my feet.

as lovers of Jesus, we are created to feel Him. yet emotions come and go. Jesus is taking me into a season of truth beyond emotions. joy beyond happiness. a season where i stop fighting what He is trying to do with me because i had asked Him to change me in the first place. and to learn to be like that child that slides down the slide and to accept what Daddy is trying to teach me. and stop whining. to stop tugging and let Him win that tug-of-war going on in my heart. cause Abba loves me. Daddy knows what is best for me.

He is taking me into a season of joy. of calling me closer. of becoming His bride.

i am my beloved's and He is mine
so come into your garden and take delight in me

come sweet Jesus. my heart is your garden
come and find your resting place in me