dear nearness,
what are You?
i encounter You as an emotion. fleeting, yet precious.
a sweetness of Your heart gracing upon mines,
a tap on the shoulder to stop, look upwards, behold,
and sigh.
the all-too-familiar connection of our hearts during worship,
something words will never be able to describe,
a moment where Your presence becomes tangible
where You become real and not it's not just my imagination,
where all regret and doubt disappear,
everything changes
when i know that You are here.
nearness.
surely You are more than an emotion, a feeling?
what more then, are You to me than an emotion or head knowledge?
it's the knowledge of You that causes me to fall more in love with You.
nearness.
if i can't feel You, how would i know that You are near?
it's always been hard to know You with my mind. i've always needed to feel You, to encounter You with my heart to know that You're near.
it wasn't until You traveled from my mind to my heart when i knew that You're with me. right here, right now.
nearness.
i know that You've never left me.
i know that You're here with me now.
yet, when i don't feel You, i assume that You aren't near.
and i know it's silly of me to feel that way,
and i know that i don't need to feel You to know that You're near,
but if You are Spirit, if You are a person, then surely i must feel You?
nearness, what are You beyond emotion? i must know!
nearness, whatever You are, You seem to be quite fleeting these days.
busy-ness? the hectic-ness of this season? the loud-ness of life? the difficulty to be still in the secret place? oh, what a struggle!
my mind tells me that You must be just as near as You always have been.
my heart can feel otherwise.
regardless,
i refuse to rest until i have Your nearness. whatever that means.
i refuse to go a day, a moment without encountering You.
i give myself no rest.
my emotions, my heart must be moved.
i refuse to settle for an encounter without feeling You.
a glance of Your face.
i was created for nearness
i live for nearness.
tenderize my heart, God. to feel the pleasures, the affections,
that kiss of Your heart upon mine.
i want Your nearness more than anything,
more than everything.
