simplicity

it's amazing how i can still go through the motions without actually engaging with You. it's amazing how i can still catch myself in moments where externally, i sing songs, pray, read the Word, yet i can do it completely detached from You. its amazing how easy it is to go through the activities and everything becomes routine, and subconsciously, i have switched my heart on autopilot, and before i know it, a dull spirit has creeped its way into my heart. before i know it, my heart has become hardened to your Word, and that sweet ache of a lovesick heart now seems so foreign. oh that You would tenderize my heart!

it's amazing how i can learn so much about You--through great teachings, read volumes of books about You, and fill my head with so much great knowledge about You, yet my heart can be so empty. internally, You are nowhere to be found. i have absolutely no awareness of Your manifest presence, and i'm not actively engaging with You. it's amazing how much head knowledge, how much "religion" i can have without actually encountering You.

it's amazing how i can make it all about anything and everything BUT encountering You, Jesus. it's amazing how i can make it about my striving, grasping a new piece of bible knowledge, my problems, my circumstance, me me me, and not just the beauty of the simplicity of my heart joined with Yours.
it always comes down to that locked gaze, that place where i love You, and You love me.

Abba, i'm still learning to wait upon You. it is so much easier to strive, to wrestle than to wait. and through it all i'm so easily troubled with an anxious thought, consumed with a frustrating circumstance, or if anything, pre-occupied with unbelief that comes with a relationship with You, an invisible God. 

Eric, just talk to me.
just turn your gaze inward and direct all your dialogue and thoughts towards Me.
the simplicity of this one thing:
i love you, and you love me.