be still and know you God

is one of the the hardest things for me to do
but it has and always will be the one thing i treasure the most

when i try it, 23345302 distractions start to flood into my head, like who to email, or who to meet up with, or when to study, or what to eat for breakfast and too many times i just give up before even a minute has passed and go on with life.
but no Jesus, i will persevere. i will come back to you. each time i find myself distracted my heart will come running back to you. i will set my mind, my gaze, my focus on you. i know i am very easily distracted but i will not stop trying to set my eyes on your beauty. and i know you will always be there waiting for me to come back to you, waititng to give me that embrace.

and as i draw near to you, you will draw near to me

and i know that it is okay. Father, when i wait upon you, you probably see me as that one ADD kid in kindergarten who can't just sit still during storytime and listen to the teacher read but instead runs around and goes to play with the blocks or something.

God has been pounding this into me more than ever before. mainly cause i am not doing it enough. it always happens. there are always a string of a few days or a week where i become a human DOing and not a human BEing. when i just fail to take a moment and STOP, DROP, and not roll haha but to know that, God, you are God, and I am not. when i become a DOer and fail in BEing. i just need to be myself, God's perfect creation to love Him and to allow myself to BE loved.
cause it's not like i don't know God. i am surrounded by Him more than ever before! with bible study, bible study prep, leadership meeting, prayer meetings, mentorship, praying for freshmen, there is more of Jesus in my life than ever before.
but sometimes it feels like there is less of Jesus...cause i get caught up in the pattern of going through motions. and it is a very sucky place to be in. meeting after meeting, prep after prep, study after study, forgetting the heart to heart connection with Jesus. Jesus at the center of everything I do.

but i know God, that you are stretching me. expanding my heart and how much i really desire and long for you. above all else, how much i really want you Jesus, more than all my ministry and prep and other random junks that accumulate in life.
and has been soooo gooood.

to be still and know you God
i will wait upon you Lord.