here i go again

here i go again.

a few weeks of intense busy-ness of life. people to appreciate, relationships to invest in, communities to build, year-end closure junks, people to love. it takes alot of time, effort, and energy. and it is draining. people drain me. which proves that i am not a ENFJ as myers-briggs tells me. who does she think she is anyways, she doesn't even know me. no wait. maybe it's a he. whatevers. haha it's just a dumb old test anyways.

i think family is the only place where i can really take refuge in or maybe one other. heh.

and it's during these draining times that the Lord gets pushed away. BOOSIES. it's just hard, really, for my mind, my thoughts, my spirit to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and God's presence throughout the day when i'm always surrounded by people, by appointment times, by wondering who i should meet up with for lunch, a PACKED schedule with zero down time, all this while i feel physically TIRED cause i don't listen to the mother and get my 8 hours of sleep.

and school. heh it feels like i've been on autopilot for school. go to class, take notes, daydream, take a nap, leave.

these last few weeks of school feel a lot similar to the first few weeks. these last few weeks of school remind me of the hectic-ness of zero week, of frosh retreat, of the busy-ness of people, meeting up with people, and more people. and how when i look back on those weeks, how i missed Jesus during those times.

QUESTION OF THE YEAR: how the hecks do i have intimacy with Jesus and at the same time love, that is, deep relationships with what seems like 2394 people? balance. a form of worship i have yet to perfect.

what is this cycle? it's during these times where my introverted-ness kicks in and i really need to do more more MORE waiting upon God. but waiting upon God takes time. and time i do not have.

and now we begin. finals week. camping day after day in the study lounge. oh the study lounge. how i do not miss thee. the cold draft of JK wood is no bueno. and what the hecks is up with this weather man? it's okay praise the Lord for bum weather too! hopefully i can find Jesus in my hours of sitting on my buttocks and memorizing reactions.

i still need to run. that's definitely where i find Jesus. and now i've upgraded to try something new: listening to sermons every once in a while as i run! we will see if that is a good idea. but anyways i will continue to run after God's heart to obtain the prize that is to come to heaven one day and see Jesus face to face and have Him tell me, well done, Eric, you have loved me with all your heart, soul strength, and mind your entire life. it's gonna be so worth it. i only get 1 life to seek Jesus. and i'm gonna do whatever it takes to love Him with all that i gots. i gotta get it right.

and yes. seeking after the presence of God. wanting more. cause there always is more. and when we seek and still don't get more we continue to persevere to seek more. what an abstract concept. but that is Jesus. cause if seeking God was always as easy as asking for an instantaneous sign (which does occur alot don't get me wrong) then it would really give Jesus less value. but when we do seek we find, and when we find, it is more beautiful than we could've ever imagined.

and just fyi from personal experience: the longer we seek the more beautiful Jesus is at end and it is all SO WORTH IT.

okay now this is getting really random.
eternity. try spending a few minutes comprehening it for a little. my mind does cartwheels everytime i think about it haha. i thought about it the other day. it's when life gets so hectic and we get focused with the little things of life i forget about eternity. and that life is much more than time here on earth. and much more than getting bummed over a silly conflict or when something goes wrong. cause it's really not the end of the world. and there are only two things in life that are eternal: Jesus and people. so there's really no point in spending your time investing in anything else in life. so make sure to do a bit of investing in Jesus and people in your life okay?

and the ochem book does not want to be opened.

my heart and flesh cry out
for you the living God
your Spirit's water to my soul
i've tasted and i've seen
come once again to me
i will draw near to you

i will draw near to you