kingdom come

ahhhh. ryan's large group talk last week was the best.

i pray: this is just the beginning. there must be more.

confession: i'm a sucker when it comes to the word revival. like what the heck is revival anyways? (apparently any korean church praise night is called a revival haha) but anyways. yes. ever since hearing people like jaeson ma preach about revival and like Jesus doing crazy things on college campuses i got super excited. cause we are college people. and college people are crazy and radical. so therefore, college is where all crazy revolutions start. and we as college students have the potential to change the world cause we are the world's future.

and so hearing about revivals in the past like the the first great awakening or the azusa street revivals or the jesus people revival in the 70s, (or the lakeland revival a year ago hehe), i'm like well WHY DOESN'T GOD JUST SEND REVIVAL TO UCSD? heh. yepp. why not? i mean, why settle for your usual evangelism when people come to Jesus after a long process of growing them from skeptics-->seekers (WHICH IS TOTALLY FINE), why doesn't God just unleash like his glory and like open up the heavens with signs and wonders and radical healings and send revival fire across UCSD and like next thing you know everyone on library walk is on their knees worshipping Jesus. how glorious would that be?

so yes. i came to college with that in the back of my mind. i like to call it my radical Jesus side. it has been pushed aside for a while but my confession is that i still cling on to that in the back of my mind sometimes. dare to dream big eh? shoot. with Jesus, IF IT IS YOUR WILL, why not?

but i realized something. sure. revival can be all of the above, and all that really cool Jesus fireworks. but revival begins with ME. revival begins within my heart. shoot. dangit. that's a hard one. revival begins with me. a hunger for the presence of Jesus, a yearning for intimacy, intimacy with the Holy Spirit, a desperation to love radically, a heart that breaks for the lost like Jesus does, an urgency to reveal Jesus right here right now.

dangit. how can i pray for Jesus to send revival to UCSD when my heart is so hard that i have trouble even loving the lost freshmen in the dorms? how can i expect Jesus to do amazing things when even i am so reluctant at times even to walk a few steps into the dorms and share Jesus with those who need Him? JESUS BREAK MY HEART FOR WHAT BREAKS YOURS. HELP ME TO KNOW YOUR LOVE, YOUR JOY, YOUR PEACE, TO HUNGER AND THIRST FOR YOUR PRESENCE. revive me once again.

oh yes. and as with anything Jesus, revival especially in myself, begins with prayer! so pray pray pray! i'm on my knees God.

you'll come
let your glory fall
as you respond to us
spirit reign
flood into our thirsty hearts again.

oh yes. and what the heck is the presence of the Lord anyways? i mean it's only like the most crucial element to my faith in Jesus. hmmmm. well i'm no expert. but i do try to seek it out like every moment i am awake. and here's what i've got so far. let me know if you discover more.

for one, the presence of Jesus is not just a feeling. yes. oftentimes it is. i mean if movies can make us cry how much more can Jesus make us emotional and tear up a bit? or even feel a little bit peace? (yes Jesus can make you feel peace. amazing right?) and if amusement parks (and food) give us joy, how much more can Jesus give you joy? and yes. there is nothing wrong with emotions when experiencing the presence of Jesus cause i mean He created us with emotions.

and yes it was a feeling. it sure was for me especially when i first encountered the love of God. i would like weep uncontroablly for no reason at all and experience an insane unworldly peace in my heart that i knew was Jesus. a joy that i hoped could last forever. an ectsasy so purely Jesus that i resolved to do whatever it takes to seek out His presence and to have more of it. so beautiful. how i still long for those moments. how i still embrace those moments and hold them so near and dear to my heart. yes. it was those moments of a love encounter with God that has changed my life (like moses when he saw the burning bush) and ever since that moment i have not turned back. there is no turning back. those encounters are at times, what fuel my faith, my passion, my drive to hunger for God's presence, for the Holy Spirit.

but yes. the presence of Jesus is not just a feeling. if it was just that that would be like putting such a downer to all that Jesus is. limiting Him to feelings would not do justice. dude in fact, the presence of Jesus most of the times (as i'm beginning to understand), aren't feelings at all! rather. (and as coast/Jesus was pounding me with today), it is a stillness. a silence. a gentle whisper. a gentle, subtle peace. to wait upon His presence in absolute silence. that is what seeking his presence is all about.

in the quiet
in the stillness i know
that you are God
in the secret
of your presence
i know there i am restored

kingdom come
Jesus come