here with me now

the most important thing at any given moment of my life is this: knowing that He is with me. nothing is more important at any conscious, waking moment of my life than knowing that He is here with me in the present, right here, right now.

the word "knowing" now becomes the hardest yet most profound word to grasp. i can know many things. i can know the joshua 1 promise that He will never leave me nor forsake me. i can know that He was with me a year ago, or a few days ago. i can know that He was with me yesterday, or even this morning.  i can know that His presence never leaves me and that His Spirit indwells within me for eternity. but at any given moment, no amount of head knowledge or past experience matters unless i know that He is with me right now.

i'm realizing that most of the spiritual disciplines and spiritual formation exercises i've learned focus on knowing God in the present. brother lawrence's "practicing the presence of God",  IHOP's "fellowshipping with the Holy Spirit", paul's command to "pray without ceasing", and the practice of "waiting upon God", are focused to achieve this simple yet profound revelation--that the creator God of the universe is here with you, living within you, and He sees you and knows you intimately.

daily, there is an insatiable hunger within the depths of my soul that thirsts, even screams to have this "revelation of revelations". i refuse to sit still or be at peace until i know within my heart of hearts that He is here with me right now. it truly changes everything.

i'm realizing just how much this revelation affects my well being. as a result, i've realized that the enemy uses anything he can to steal and take away this revelation. the enemy loves to overwhelm my mind with thoughts, worries, anxiety, distractions, and consume me with any stupid thought he can think of to prevent me from focusing on His present, indwelling Spirit living inside of me. once overwhelmed, i am quick to forget and i easily tune out the gentle whispers of the Spirit dwelling in me. oh, how i hate you enemy!

to this day, waiting upon God remains the secret to my life. the most life-giving choice i can make is to shut up my abundance of unnecessary thoughts, be still, and know that He is God.